With Paper Wings
by JuliAngelFace
Summary: After his mother died in a car accident, Finn was sent away to live with his wealthy but cruel father. Only in the arms of his stepsister, Miriam, can he find solace in their endless dreams of escape from the living nightmares of Cromwell mansion.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Paper Wings  
Summary: When his young mother died in a car accident, fourteen-year-old Finn Birdinard**** is sent away to live with his famous and wealthy father, whom he never met. Little does he know that behind the fame and the public charm, lives a monster, and through his father's revenge, he will have to relive his mother's horrific past. Only in the friendship of his newly acquainted half-sister, Miriam, can he find solace in their endless dreams of escape from the living nightmares of Cromwell mansion.**

For as long as I could remember, I was told I was named after my father, that I looked exactly like him, that I was just like him, yet I wasn't told anything about him. From that all I knew of him was that his name was Finnegan, he had light golden brown hair and dark green eyes that non-observers mistake from brown when they only glance at them, and he was a sweet, smart, and rambunctious boy. That is, if he was me, as I was constantly told by my mother. But then again if I was actually like my father, I wouldn't be alive today tell my story. To tell of my years in the mad wonderland that was within the gates of Cromwell Hall.

I had always considered California my sanctuary. It was where my mother raised me. She was a young single mother, alone with nobody but me. Even though she was Jewish, she managed for us to be taken in by a Catholic boarding school for girls where the nuns gave her a job as a maid and tutor. It was pretty nice to the adorable little boy in the mists of school girls. In the ten years there, I had a happy start to a childhood. They were good to my mother and she was happy there for it gave her a sense of being at school learning, something she couldn't afford, even before she had me. School was a dream that never came true for her, a dream she wanted for me.

As soon as I turned ten, they couldn't have her there anymore because of me. And my mother agreed, wanting me to have some male influence and knowing I couldn't really get there. It was also the time she had started dating and looking for a father figure for me to have.

"What was my father like?" I asked my mother as she was driving.

"Your father was a great man, that's why I named you after him, I told you this."

"How did he die?" I dared to ask knowing it would bring her pain from the past.

"I don't want to discuss this Finn."

She was on the verge of tears and I knew I should stop, but I couldn't, I needed to know, "Why not? I should know about my father."

"Please just leave it alone for now, I'll tell you when the time is right," She pleaded as a tear rolled down her cheek.

The time was right. I was old enough to know. I stopped and looked out the car window at the trees passing by. I was fourteen then a few days away from fifteen when my life forever changed for the worst, forcing me into living my mother's horrific past. I had no idea of what was to come as we drove on home returning from my baseball game.

My mother hated talking of the past before me so I rarely asked her because I didn't want to put her in pain again. But that didn't mean I didn't ever wonder, I always did. I wondered what life would be like if he was alive and with us. Would he be one of those dads who would cheers for me during my sports games? Or would he be that dad who worked non-stop? Would he be proud of me? Am I the son he wanted? I never dared to share these questions with my mother.

The other reason why I never mention my father is because I was afraid it might hurt her feelings and make her think that she wasn't a good enough mother. She was, she was more than that. There was never a time in my childhood where I hated my mother. I couldn't hate her, no matter what she did. I didn't even hate her when she made me work after school in the General store for a month after I stole a radio with Josh. I didn't need a father with her as a mother and I wanted her to know that. And I didn't want her to never once think that I needed more enough to try to find a "father figure" by dating a bunch of losers like she did last time I asked about him. I also didn't want to go through that again and have another Chuck making my life at home hell.

We were poor, but not starving poor, we had enough to get by and live in our tiny apartment. My mother worked two jobs: she was a secretary at an insurance agency during my school hours and a waitress at a local diner during the hours I'm sleeping. It was tiring for her but at least we had our precious five hours together in between her shifts. She wouldn't let me work and help her out, she wanted me to go to school and study after, nothing else except for sports if my grades were good.

Sports were also hard though, for they required money, money that we didn't have. Thankfully my friend Josh lent me money no matter how many times I'd reject. My friend Josh's family had a lot of money from his father being a surgeon. He didn't have to worry about whether or not he was able to afford that field trip to the city, or whether or not Mr. Dorman is going to continue sponsoring you education if you get a 'C' causing you to leave your private elite school that made your mother proud. So what if his father put him second to his career, at least he had a father with the income my mother could never make no matter how many jobs she took, Josh has it easy. I wouldn't trade it over my mom, but I had wanted that life nonetheless. I didn't want to have to worry about money constantly.

Josh and I were getting ready in the locker room for baseball practice, when he reminded me yet again about my grade in math, "Have you told your mother yet?"

I haven't, I couldn't get myself to lets her hopes down, "No," I answered looking for some way to change the subject.

"What about Mr. Dorman? You want to tell him before your report card is mailed to him."

Mr. Dorman was the richest man in the town who lived in the old three-story Victorian house in the rich suburban area, my mother used to clean his house and that's how he became my sponsor, by the friendship the two formed. My mother had to quit though when she found out Mr. Dorman wanted to be more than her friend, as I believed. Part of me did want her to marry him, despite his age, so we could live in that big house and have money, but I didn't want my mother to be miserable being a wife to _him_.

"No, I might tell him today after practice."

"You want me to come with you?" he asked in both concern and pity.

"No it's all right, I can face the old bastard by myself."

"Well then on a lighter note, guess what I did last Saturday night?" He smiled wickedly.

I didn't want to know, I hated hearing about his escapades with girls, "What?" I asked anyways, hoping it will make me temporarily forget my dread.

"You know that Amy girl, that junior girl I was with the weekend before?" He whispered.

I didn't like where this was going, "Yeah."

"We did it."

Maybe he meant _it_ as something else, I was praying he wouldn't have with that sweet girl who was too good for him. "Did what?"

"Did what? You're such a kid Finney boy, we had sex that's what," he boasted, now he, I sometimes hated. He could extremely selfish and insensitive.

"You just met her." I couldn't believe it, how could he, how could she? With him?

"Yeah but I wanted it and she wanted it too, and you wanna know what?"

NO! "What?" I knew where this was going and I wanted to cover my ears, but I didn't want to look like an immature little kid in front of him.

With no male influence comes the need to always prove myself a man, no matter how stupid, heartless, or dangerous. I cared so much what Josh thought about me, and trying anything to impress him, even if it meant getting a bad math grade, because Heaven forbid if Josh were to think of me as a wuss.

"I popped my first cheery, and man, did she bleed! I mean usually with the others they were experienced and--"

He rambled on and I tried blocking it out. Why Amy? Amy was a girl Josh and I met when we skipped math a couple weeks ago and visited the public school. Of course Josh didn't have any interest in her till I told him I liked her, and he was a year older, taller and buffer than me, enough to be of interest to a junior girl. She was very pretty too, with long dark copper hair, tan skin, almond eyes, and the most beautiful smile that lit up a room. I hated Josh.

Practice went by quickly with me anticipating going over to Mr. Dorman's house. I walked there by myself as slow as I could but eventually I was there at his door. I reluctantly rang the doorbell and waited nervously hands shoved in pockets to keep me from biting my nails.

The maid opened the door, "Is Mr. Dorman in?" I said.

"Why yes, you must be Finn, come in, he's in his study." She opened the door wider guiding me in and closing the door behind me as I stepped in. "Right this way." I followed her to his study.

There he sat, Mr. Dorman, skinny as a skeleton and pale as one with his dyed brown hair sleeked back, sitting and stroking his greasy mustache looking like a weasel. He scammed me down and had a smile on his face that gave me chills, "Finn, it's been awhile, how's your mother?"

"She's fine," I answer looking down at the detail of the Persian rug.

"Sit down" I sat and looked out the window, "Why are you here then?" he kept his eyes on me and smiling as if he was drunk.

I breathed, "That, well, you see I know we have a deal that you'll pay as long as I have a grade point average of over a 3.5—"

"You don't have a 3.5, don't you?" he interrupted.

"No, I have one 'C' but I promise you, I will get it up as soon as I can, I promise I will, I know I will—" I babbled on trying to convince him not to cut his payments off over one 'C'.

I stopped once I realized he wasn't paying attention yet was starring at me oddly, making me uncomfortable, finally he said something, "Your clothes, they're very worn, is that your school uniform?"

I didn't understand why all of the sudden he was asking me about my clothes, "Yes they are."

"Your sweater has a hole in it and your shirt has lost its color, what was it once, blue? You desperately need new clothes, so how about I'll buy you a whole new wardrobe and you can come over tomorrow after school to try them on, sound good?"

"Can't I just tell you my size and I can just pick it up?" I suggested instead wondering why he wanted me over and ignoring me having a 'C'.

"It's so much better to try clothes on before you keep them."

"Then I'll try them on at home and give back the ones that do not fit."

"Why do that when you can try them on here and save yourself the trouble?"

I backed up little way away from him getting freaked out by his determination to have me over to try on clothes. "What about my 'C'?" I reminded him.

"Are you coming over tomorrow?"

"No, I don't want new clothes and I don't want to try them on at your house!" I said growing agitated.

"You're such a nice looking boy, very handsome, did your mother ever tell you that?" He pointed ignoring my refusal.

"I don't know."

"I was trying to make this subtle, but since you are too stubborn to accept new clothes as a reward, I'll be blunt with you."

All this time he continued to stare at me in an odd way that was really disturbing, "What are you talking about?" I knew. I just didn't know then what to do.

"You love your mother, don't you?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" I spat.

"This school you go to, it means a lot to her, and you go because you'll do anything to make her happy and proud of you?"

"Yes, all right, this school means so much and please just don't sponsoring me because of one mark, and—"

"You'll do anything to stay in the school?" he rephrased.

My heart was beating, deeply afraid, "Yes, I guess, I really need to stay."

"I'll continue my payments despite the grades on one condition, one favor, I mean."

"What is that?" I prayed it was just a favor like mowing the lawn or raking leaves, something like that.

"Do everything and anything I tell you for an hour."

"Anything, like what?" I asked innocently my heart beating faster in fear.

He answered me by putting one hand on my thigh causing me to immediately jump out of my chair.

"No!" I shouted getting up.

"Just one hour, it won't hurt I promise you, you may even enjoy it and beg for more—"

I covered my ears blocking out the sickening image, "No!" I shouted again as he reached for me, "Get away!" I pulled away and rushed for the door.

As I opened the door his voice stopped me. "You walk out that door and I'll cut off all payments! I may even cause your mom to lose both of her jobs! I'll force her to try her hardest to pay me back for your schooling! I'm the most powerful man here, I can do anything, and you don't want to cross me. It's just one hour, one hour and you can continue to go to school with no stress, I'll pay for your sports too, I'd even make it so that your mom could have a better paying job, one job, that'll give her more time to spend with you. All for just one hour, a painless hour that'll be easy to forget."

He knew how to trap me. And I couldn't, even for the sake of my mother. I couldn't go through with it. I'd never forget it; it would have forever haunted me and traumatize me for life. Sometimes you have to be selfish. I walked out that door slamming it on all my mother's hopes from going to that school.

I know knew why my mom refused to marry him, refused the idea of us living in his house. Why she had told me to come to her first with grade problems.

I walked home solemnly wondering how I was going to tell my mother that not only was I making a 'C', but also that I caused Mr. Dorman to stop sponsoring me. Not only was I sickened by Mr. Dorman's advances, I was horrified at what he was going to do to get back at me refusing him.

I reached our apartment I froze to see a police car parked in front of out door, I approached the police officer leaning on the car, "You must be Finn," he said to me.

"Yes?"

"I need to talk to you, may I come in with you."

"About what?" I said thinking that Mr. Dorman must have called them about me or something.

"May we discuss this inside?"

I didn't like the way he said that. I suddenly saw my mother's scarf clutched in his hand. I felt numb, "Where's my mother? Tell me!"

"I hate to tell you this but this afternoon there was an accident on--" I was growing dizzy as he continued. Then he said the words I never wanted to hear, "Your mother passed away in the ambulance."

I was in shock, not wanting to believe one word, "Where is she? I don't believe you! She's not dead! She can't be! She's not!"

"Calm down, son."

"You're lying! She's not dead! Where is she!" I said in between choked sobs and pants. I was hyperventilating and collapsed suddenly.


	2. Chapter 2

I was sitting in some quiet office in the police station. I was numb not taking in reality that I'll never see my mother again. I sat frozen, starring off in space and in denial.

I got out of my trance when heard banging and I looked up and saw Josh at the office window. He opened the door and walked in, "Surprise seeing you here, what did you do? You didn't sock Mr. Dorman did you? Me, I did the same old, almost got out with five dollars worth of firecrackers."

I didn't listen to the rest of what he said. I didn't care. One of the cops went him and yelled at him for disturbing him.

"Disturbing him? Why is he in here?" Josh didn't know and the cop whispered in his ear that my mother died in a car crash, "Shit, your mom? I'm sorry as hell. I guess I won't be seeing you in school tomorrow." The cop led him out and he continued to stare at me in pity, his grin gone, thankful he wasn't me. He waved as I silently watched him be moved to the back of the station to call his parents.

It truly hit me then, I had no one. I was alone. There would be no one to care for me. I was all I had. I couldn't cry at this, I couldn't cry anymore, but it didn't mean I felt no pain or sorrow. I did, oh did I, inside where no one could see. I though of suicide, but then I thought of my mother and what she would think. My mother was stubborn and would never give up; she would never do or support something as selfish as suicide. She wanted me to go to school and get the best college education, but how could I had done that when I had no money? What should I have done? I didn't want to live on with no one and all alone, but I had too. There were probably planning on putting me in an orphanage. I didn't want to be dumped in some orphanage. I had seen them before, they were awful; I used to walk by one back when we lived in the city. They were crowded, even more poor than my life in the small apartment, and kids were even more alone in fending for themselves, and were pitied more. They were forced into labor, having no personal possessions and any they had, had to be shared—I didn't want that. It was just after the depression and my options were close to none.

One of the police officers approached me, the same one who told me the news of my mother, "It's getting late, how about you stay with me and my family for the night instead of staying here. Sound good?"

I nodded, not saying anything. I didn't want to speak. I wouldn't speak. I decided to be mute. I left the station with him and got in his car. I was silent on the way to his home. Even when he talked and asked me questions, I still said nothing.

His house was the picture of the American Dream I saw on billboards and magazines. A trimmed green yard, white picket fence, a tree with a swing, two story white house like the others around it--This was suburbia. And the inside was just as beautiful and dreamlike as the outside, even in the near dark I could see it.

"Everyone's asleep, you can sleep in Billy's room. He has an extra bunk he doesn't sleep in. It's only used when he has friends' sleepover. He led me to his son's room and opened the door, "The bed's already made, just put his toys on the floor, I'll make him put them away in the morning. The bathroom is down the hall to the left. If you need anything, our bedroom is downstairs by the garage." He walked out and closed the door, not all the way, but just a crack.

I was alone in some boy's room, the boy sound asleep on the top bunk. I went to the bathroom and took off my shoes and put the toys on the floor and crawled under the covers. I stayed awake starring up at the drawings on the board holding the top mattress. I learned that Billy was a talented drawer who loved horses and the old west, all from the graffiti. I suddenly heard muffled arguing down the hall.

"It'll only be for awhile, the boy has no one here. This won't be permanent; he'll only be here for as soon as we get him to tell us where his other family is, or find a suitable foster home. It's only for a few days. Don't worry. "

It's nice to know I'm wanted here, I sarcastically pointed out in my mind. I eventually fell asleep arguing whether or not to speak tomorrow to show courteously or not to continue to avoid talking about it.

"Finn" I heard a whisper.

I saw my mother, "Mom," I said, "You're alive? I knew you were. You'd never leave me." She didn't say anything, "Mom say something. Please?" she turned and had ran off, "Mom!" I got up and ran after her, I looked everywhere, she was gone, "Mom! Don't leave me! Come back, please. I need you." I fell to the ground crying, "Don't leave me. Come back, please, come back for me. I don't want to be alone." But I was. I was alone in the bitter darkness that was my life.

Suddenly I felt someone gently brush their hand on the side of my face, calming me with soft whispers. "Shh, it's okay, don't cry. You're not alone, I'm here."

I woke up and surprisingly saw Amy at my bedside inches from my face now rubbing my upper back. It was only a dream, I realized.

She noticed me awake and took her hand off and backed away blushing in embarrassment, "I heard you across the hall. You were having a nightmare and were talking in your sleep. So I came in to try to get you through it, like my mom used to do when I was little." She smiled kindly.

I didn't know her father was a cop. In a normal situation, I'd be in bliss having my crush there and so near. But after last night, I didn't seem to care anymore.

"I can't believe what happened to you. You must have been through so much. I'm so sorry it happened to you," she whispered.

God, she looked so beautiful there with the moonlight making her hair shine like copper, the lights and shadows forming a sort of halo at the top of her head. We looked at each other in the eyes for a moment in the awkward silence between us.

"You must be exhausted, I'll go back to my room so you can go back to sleep. I'll see you in the morning." She blushed shyly as she left the room and returned to hers shutting the door behind her.

**0o0o0o0o0**

The sunlight through the window blinded my awakening eyes. I guess they opened the curtains on purpose so I wouldn't sleep in. I sat up and saw some clothes folded on the edge of the bed. It had to be a new and clean change of clothes for me, I assumed seeing just an outfit and not an assortment. I was the last one up it appeared as Billy wasn't on the bunk above and Amy wasn't in her room across. I got up and walked to the bathroom and changed my clothes and tried my best to straighten up. The clothes were a bit too big on me, but not so much that they fell off and they were more casual than my usual everyday school uniform of khaki pants, blue button down shirt with color, tie, pull-over sweater, and loafers.

I went downstairs and to the kitchen where the family was already eating breakfast. Their kitchen that morning, smelled just like the diner my mother worked at, the smell of eggs and bacon. I held back my tears from being reminded and slowly walked in.

"Looks who's up," The father pointed, "Sit here, I'm finished." He got up and put his dishes in the sink and kissed his wife goodbye, "I gotta be going, I'll be back for you at one and we'll talk about some matters then, just rest up for now and take it easy," He said to me before he walked out of the kitchen.

I sat down and right when I did his wife put a plate down next to me of eggs, bacon, and toast, and then a glass of orange juice. I didn't even ask, she just put it there. I began eating graciously, despite the fact that I don't eat breakfast. Billy was across from me, starring as if I was a new and interesting pet. This was first time actually seeing him. He looked to be my age almost and had light, almost white, blond hair, and light blue eyes. He was slightly over weight, which caused him to look like a pig, his small button nose and pink skin being of help as well. Yet he didn't act the way he looked and picked at his food slowly, barely eating it.

"So how long are you staying with us?" he asked me.

"Billy!" his mother hissed.

"Sorry, mom. Are you still going to school?"

"William Arnold, will you stop being so nosy and eat your food," She ordered sternly with her hands on her hips.

"I was just curious, he's staying in my room. I have some right to know _something_ about him."

"Stop talking and finish your food."

"I'm finished eating." He got up with his plate full of food and dumped it in the trash. He may not be a pig, but I was disgusted at his wastefulness. What he just threw away was worth the same as an hour of my mother's wages.

During this, Amy was quiet as me, finishing up her homework. I wanted to say something to her, to let her know that I wasn't mad at her or thought of her as being weird for comforting me in my nightmare. I didn't though, and before I regretted so, she and Billy were out the door to catch their bus.

There I was left alone with their mother who didn't want me there. She didn't pay attention to me being there and went on with her every day routine of cleaning house. I went back into Billy's room and fell back asleep wanting it to bring me a moment of escape and not a cruel reminder.

Just as he said, Amy's father came back at one to bring me back into the station for questioning. I still refused to talk. Stupid, I know, but I wanted to avoid answering all those painful questions: How I feel? What do I feel? Where's my father? Do I have a father? Can he take care of me? Do I have other family? Will they take me in? Do I know someone who will? Will I be up for foster care?—It goes on. But there I was, in that very office I was in last night, being asked just that.

"I know this is hard for you, but we need to know." They even went as far for my answers as to supply me with a pen and notepad to jot them down. "Where's your father?"

"He's dead," I wrote.

"Do you have anyone else?"

I shook my head.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded. I didn't think I did. It was always just my mom and I. We didn't see any other family member besides the two of us.

Then he said what I dreaded, "If there's no place for you to go, than we have to turn you in to the state."

**0o0o0o0o0**

My mother's funeral was held on my fifteenth birthday. The weather was perfect, for a nice day, but not a funeral of the most beautiful person. It was suppose to rain, but there were a lot of other things that were suppose to happen that didn't to get worked up on this one.

Nearly the whole town of Ampleton was there. Even Mr. Dorman, who had the nerve to show up. We were all crowded around her coffin cover with flowers. Her co-workers made the arrangements and, as I later found out, Mr. Dorman paid the expenses. He was up to something by being so charitable. Of course, for me, that's what that sick creep wanted. He looked at me the whole time trying hard to conceal of smile of satisfaction in knowing that he could easily have me now that I had nobody and was vulnerable.

I couldn't pay attention to the eulogy, as I stood there in fear of what he was going to do. That was why he showed up and paid for the funeral, he wanted to adopt me, or buy me, either way he wanted to have me. And being the richest and powerful man of all Ampleton, and me having no family, he easily could.

I didn't look at the coffin; looking at it would make it a reality. I just wanted to forever believe that she was just away somewhere, happy and safe. I closed my eyes and dropped that red rose on her now lowered coffin and the service ended at that.

I looked up to see a man who wasn't there before. I couldn't describe it, but I felt chills down my spine. A different kind of chills, much different from the ones I got from Mr. Dorman. It was there I first saw the man who would bring me the greatest misery.

Evil loves destroying lives and does not feel any guilt; an ice cold, egotistic, and inhuman monster starving for power, evil has blood on his hands. Evil was my father, Henry Cromwell…

* * *

A/N: Thanks MistressMassacre, I will read your fic asap. Sorry about the run ons, it's my greatest weakness lol and I admit the ending of the last chap(1) was rushed

Jules


	3. Chapter 3

There he stood the wolf among sheep, dressed as the whitest sheep of them all, wearing a fine pressed blue suit and polished shoes. He was standing tall with superiority and worth greater than anyone should comprehend if they were as naïve as he wanted them to be and made them by his stance. His looks reminded me of the men I saw in the Army propaganda comics I had as a child, chiseled face, high cheekbones, straight nose, dark wavy hair, and a thick mustache. But his eyes…his eyes…it was his eyes that struck me. Dark eyes yet light, glowing almost, light brown, but more amber…exactly like the eyes of that of a wolf. Exactly. His eyes were dead eyes, eyes that nothing in them.

If I had known then what I know now I would go live with Mr. Dorman in a heartbeat. At fifteen I was too vulnerable and innocent to see it, what I saw was a hero coming to rescue me, not a monster coming to seek revenge on my mother's doings. I simply didn't know Evil existed being raised in goodness. All of that was going to change and I didn't have a clue.

"May I help you mister?" Amy's father approached him after the service.

"I came here for my boy," he said with such confidence.

"Your boy? Finn's father is dead." Mr. Dorman cut in.

"I'm alive and fine thank you."

"You can't be his father," he repeated in disbelief and disappointment, "prove it," he sneered.

"I have with me his birth certificates and hospital records. My son was kidnapped from me when he was two months old by this woman just laid in the ground," The man patted his fine leather suitcase, "want to look? I have it all here."

"You look familiar," Mr. Dorman pointed.

"I should be, I am the owner Cromwell Steel," he charmingly smiled, flashing his white teeth.

"You're Henry Cromwell."

"It took you that long to figure that out?" He laughed hiding the darkness.

"Finn's your son?" Amy's father asked skeptically despite his wealth and fame, "A man of your stature would be able to find a stolen baby easily. I don't ever remember hearing it in the presses of a lost Cromwell heir."

"I don't know about you, but I hate to create media circuses, Mr.--"

"Sergeant Peters."

"Sergeant, I was in enough pain from Finn's loss to be able to handle the media, I did have countless private detectives always searching."

"I'm sure you did," he sarcastically said unconvinced.

"As I was being driven here, I noticed this town could use some money to fix up the courthouse—"

"Are you trying to bribe him?" Mr. Dorman asked surprised that someone would go to the same length as he to get me.

"No, it was only a kind gesture, only that. It could become more though. But it's only my word, my word against both of you."

"Show me those papers, let me see for myself if the word of Henry Cromwell is true," Amy's father challenged un-intimidated.

"My pleasure." He opened his suitcase.

I was speechless, but then again I was also on an oath of silence. He couldn't have been my father, I thought, for he didn't look anything like me. From the little information she told me of him, she told me he was dead and I was named after him. This man claiming to be my father was alive and named Henry. My mother would never lie to me; why would she lie to me?

He took out the papers and there was my birth certificate with my name on it, my name with his last, Finnegan Cromwell, as well as my mother's and his name. He was indeed my father. For a moment I was childishly angry at my mother, here we were dirt poor and struggling and all along I had a rich father, and even at our worst she could have contacted him for money and didn't. I didn't understand then why a woman would take her and her child away from a life of privilege and flee to a life of near poverty.

Time would tell, time reveals as it unfolds, for history repeats itself over and over till the curse is broken. Soon enough, time would tell me that my mother took me away to protect me…very soon.

"So you are Finn's father, Alicia never spoke of you, not once," Amy's father said boggled.

"Alicia wasn't too fond of me and took Finn to punish me," he said as his eyes gave a hint of rage when he said her name.

"Finn, my son, it's been a long time."

I was silent out of shyness this time. I didn't know what to say to him.

"Finn is not talking, he can talk, but out of grief he hasn't talked since that night his mother passed."

"I'll take care of that," He smiled, a promising smile. "If you don't mind, I have to get going, Finn is coming with me since he will now be living with me, his true father."

He may have been my father blood wise, but my true father, the one dead and buried as my mom, was an innocent boy named Finnegan that gave my mother happiness in a place of hellish proportions.

All this time, I was too distracted to notice that Amy was by my side. She has been very kind to me this past week, very understanding of my silence, talking away and asking me yes and no questions. I didn't want to leave her, for my crush on her was still strong despite tragedy, and if I leave she wouldn't wait for me and find someone else, possibly another Josh. Then again even I did stay, she still wouldn't be interested with me being near the same age as her little brother.

He wanted me to go with him now? I had nothing with me but Billy's suit on; well nothing mine. I couldn't go with him at such short notice. Father or not, I didn't know him. I did want to go with him, but I wanted to have time to say goodbye and gather my mother's belongings to remember her by. I really wanted to speak, but since I have been not speaking for nearly a week, I couldn't just speak up as if I always could talk but didn't out of arrogance.

"What about his clothes and their possessions at their old apartment? Surely you must give him a day to collect that," Amy's father said as if he read my mind.

"I don't have all day, our train leaves in three hours, I'll drive him by his old apartment and give him what time I have to spare, that's the best I could do."

That was it; they couldn't do or say anything more. I was his to take, and there was nothing I could do but go along with it.

"His apartment is located on Maple Street, its door 359 of Clearwater apartments," he then told the man, my father, solemnly.

"Come Finn," he said heading out to his Rolls Royce.

I looked to Amy's father for reassurance and he held out his hand and motioned me to go with him. I slowly walked to the car not knowing what lied ahead, but hoping for the best.

He had a driver who opened the door for me. I got in, smelling the rich leather interior, and sat as he closed the door behind me. I was now alone with my so-called father as the driver started the car.

"Did you're mother ever tell you about me?" he asked.

I shook my head. If he was my father than who was the Finn I was named after and resembled? Why was I the embodiment of Finn and not him? And more importantly, who did he see when he looked at me? I studied Henry for any kind of trace of me, and I couldn't fine one.

"Well I'll be. It's like Finn never died. Maybe that boy was immortal after all, he sure acted like it. You better not though, I'll make sure of it. So help me, the similarity will stop at looks. Finn was a foolish boy, an appalling boy, who brought his own death by his sinful needs. But maybe you're my second chance to correct Finn, maybe your reason for existing it to repent for the sins of Finn."

_Oh dear god, I'm in trouble_, was all I could muster in my mind.

We didn't speak as the driver drove to my apartment. After minutes we were there and parked in front.

"You have ten minutes. Just one suitcase, nothing more, understand?"

I nodded before getting out of the car to the front door. I jumped and got the house key from top of the ledge above the doorway and unlocked the door. I walked in expecting my mother to be there and greet me with open arms, but instead I was greeted with cold and empty darkness. I turned on the lights and went to my room. I didn't even know where to begin. Did we even have a suitcase around?

I slowly and very reluctantly went into my mother's room. This was so painful. In there I rushed to the closet trying not to look at anything and be reminded. I found one surprisingly and just when I was about to close the closet door I stopped and saw her clothes hanging up. I touched them and ran my fingers in the delicate fabric remembering when and where she wore each outfit. I pulled her blue cardigan off the hanger and sat back on the bed and held it close to me trying to find warmth. I felt the same coldness and simply broke down crying, clutching on her sweater for dear life. Suddenly at that moment it became a reality that she was never coming back. I got myself together, knowing that they were waiting for me outside. I took her photo albums she treasured and the cardigan in my hand and put them in the suitcase. I took the suitcase to my room and quickly put whatever I could in there, my clothes, tooth brush, shoes, anything I could make fit.

Last, I took one last look of my life then and the memories the apartment held of it before walking out and leaving it forever. The driver took my suitcase and put it in the trunk and I got in the car not looking back. What lies ahead I did not know and the agony awaited me was blinded by my innocence.

* * *

A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews! Shorter chapter this time that took awhile to finish, next chapter will be much better, for that's when things really start to begin and where Miriam is introduced, and you'll see.


	4. Chapter 4

We arrived at the train station with our luggage being carried and were escorted to a private car. I had my tie and jacket off and was carry them as I undid the top buttons of my shirt, which stifled me. I walked into the private car and was awestruck by the wealth of being in first class. The private car was huge and lavish with rich mahogany interior lined with golden brass, containing red velvet and leather upholstered couches bolted on the Persian carpeted floor. He sat down and began reading a newspaper, as if I wasn't there, and I followed, sitting down and unsure of what to do but wait.

"Aren't you going to say something?" he took me by surprise.

I was silent not knowing if I should speak. He looked at me, eyeing me down. He was inspecting me, but for what? I tensed. I couldn't read his face

"They told me you didn't speak, haven't since your mother passed," his eyes narrowed, growing dim and stern, "I'm about to change that."

My heart stopped in fear. I repeated what he said in my head, what he meant and if he was serious. But before I could comprehend he lashed at me causing me to fall to the floor. My head was pounding from the blow to my face. I attempted to get up and was soon kicked back down by him.

He held me down by his foot and twisted my arm causing me to whimper. In all my few previous experiences in school fistfights, none had ever been this brutal and painful. He leaned down and I could feel his breath on my ear, "Don't think for a second you can get away with this stubborn act of yours. As long as you're in my keeping you'll be obedient and when I tell you to speak, you'll speak. You can't afford to be stubborn with me, defy me and I'll break you just like I broke the Finn before you. I can do anything Finn, and nobody, not your weak self can do anything to stop me. I own you, just like I owned your mother, that Jewish pig I saved from poverty. You have no freedom, nowhere to escape to. You're in my control now. Speak," he hissed then command as if I were a dog as he twisted my arm some more to make me whimper like a puppy.

I wanted to run, to scream for help, but I was in fear. I was helpless, completely helpless in a demeaning state. I was in tears, hating myself for satisfying his need to deteriorate me. Boys don't cry and any that do are pathetic. "I'll speak! Let go please, I'll speak!" I finally said, grimacing and reducing myself, "Please don't hurt me."

He let go and I slowly lifted myself up back to the couch, trying not to gasp in pain enough to provoke him to hurt me again. This was why my mother took me and lived happy in lower class; she wanted freedom for both of us. Jewish pig? I wanted to yell at him, tell him my mother wasn't a Jewish pig, but I couldn't defend her. If I did would I be alive or at least not in critical condition, I mean, if he struck me just for not talking, I can't imagine what he'd do to me if I argued with him.

"Did your mother ever speak of me?" He asked still standing over me.

"No, never, who's Finnegan?" I stuttered.

"What do you mean who's Finnegan?"

"She said he was my father, I was named after him," I said praying it won't offend him. He started to laugh, which frightened me. Why would he laugh at that?

"Maybe he is, perhaps your mother was the type to sleep with young boys. Finnegan was your uncle who died before you were born."

"Why did you marry her, if she was a Jewish pig to you?" I couldn't believe I asked that out loud.

"Many people, reporters, the public, wondered the same thing. She worked at one of my factories when she was young, earning money for college. She was from a large family and unlike her father she valued an education over marriage. She was a wild girl with her head up in the clouds, she also was in love with a son of a doctor, and once she had enough money they would go away to college together and start their own school after. She was boisterous, thinking she was something, and one day, the day I met her she found me yelling at worker who blamed my factory for his injury. Your mother thought she could be noble, she approached me and fired at me, embarrassing me in front of my workers, as she stood up for that worker. She quit and stormed out, believing she could just walk away a free woman after insulting me. As brave as she was, she was very naïve. I tracked her down and found out her father was a very old fashion man of greed, and so I offered for her hand in marriage with a great dowry no father could refuse. I'll always remember the look on her face right after when she learned she was engaged to me, an engagement she could not break, for if she ran I would have her family and her old love murdered. At first she did fight back, but I eventually succeeded in breaking her down into my submissive wife, a bird trapped in a gilded cage. I got what I wanted and once she bared me a son she would have no use to me and I would lock her away in an asylum, but your mother learned of that and after the death of her father, she took you and ran. Ironic how she died of a broken neck, and died a penniless waitress with a coward of a son bearing the face of the boy she killed."

He was insane, to marry a girl _just_ to punish her for embarrassing him, all that_ just_ to get back at someone? That was why? He nearly ruined her for _just_ a remark. And did she really kill the man who I thought was my father? That couldn't be true! She couldn't have been a murderer! He was lying. He had to have been. This man could not be my father.

He went back into ignoring me; happy he had hurt me both inside and out, destroying my morale.

**0o0o0o0**

There was silence through the rest of the two days long train and car ride there. Where was there? I was about to see. The car stopped at a black-ironed gate, one of many in the lush green countryside of New England, and was waiting for it to open. It opened revealing a dirt road leading to a grand mansion, or cottage as I later learned it was called. The gardens were vast with neatly cut hedges surrounded by all sorts of colorful flowers, all in a design. But it was the mansion itself that caught my eye. It looked like a castle, four stories of hand crafted and carved stone covered with green vines. It didn't have hard edges, but was rounded with many huge windows, towers, and Greek columns.

The car pulled up in front of the stairs to the double doorway. I opened the car door and got out and walked up the steps and was greeted by a middle age Hispanic woman in a maid's uniform.

"My lord, this can't be--" She asked looking at me as if I was a ghost.

"Yes, my son. Gertie please send Rolland down to carry the luggage," He ordered not paying mind to her astonishment of my presence.

"He looks just like—"

"Where Lydia?"

"She's in her room Mr. Cromwell, want me to go get her."

"Please, and Aggie too."

"Yes sir." She left immediately after leaving the door open.

I entered and stood agape. Riches I'd only see in movies and read about, marble floors, courtyard in the middle with a garden, pool and fountain, ballroom, library, hand painted and chiseled mural ceilings, ancient tapestries and artwork displayed. The closest thing that came to this house that I'd known was the famous Hearst Castle.

"For a moment there I thought I lost my mind and the boy in the painting jumped out," a girl's voice said.

I looked her way, she looked about ten, skinny and tall with her long brown hair tied back a tight pony tail giving the effect of her forehead to look big, her was chin narrow, eyes were dark blue and beady and too close together, and her nose was too big for her face, all causing her to look stern and snobbish-and maybe I'm just saying it did because I know now that she indeed was.

"Are you Aggie?" I timidly asked.

Instead of answering she saw him out front and ran to hug him, "Daddy!"

"Agatha!" He changed right before my eyes into a kind and loving father, "How has my princess been? Did you miss me?"

"Miriam's been messing up my stuff again, Daddy, she such a pain," she wined.

"I know, but mommy doesn't want her back to being away from her."

"Who's the boy?" she looked back to me in disgust.

Who was Miriam and why didn't he say anything about her till now.

"He's your long lost big brother Finn, he shouldn't be a pain and if he is just let me know and I'll take care of it," he said glancing at me to remind me of our little 'talk' on the train. "You won't be a pain, will you Finn?"

Now I had two people to keep happy. "No," I answered, "Who's Miriam?"

"It doesn't matter, she's nobody," she said and that was that about Miriam.

"What's so important that I have to come down for?" A blond woman emerged at the top of the stairwell, "Who is that with you," she walked down getting a closer look of me, her face brightened, "Oh my, it's Finn," she ran down and embraced me, "I thought I'd never see you again, I remember when you were a baby! My have you grown!"

I didn't know what to make of her sudden fondness of me. "You knew my mother?" It was a dumb question.

She was still before answering, "I was ah her friend, yes, her good friend," she laughed nervously.

A good friend who took her place, "Okay," I said instead.

"He's so handsome, just like you Henry. I can't tell you how happy I am that you're finally back. You're like a son to me, and when you were taken I couldn't sleep for weeks. I prayed and prayed that you would come back. Oh how I missed you, I still have your baby picture in my locket right next to Aggie's—"

"That's enough Lydia," he stopped her before she reached for her locket. She backed away.

A good friend who tried taking her place as mother to me as well, my mother's death must had been a tragedy to her, I mused to myself.

"Where is he staying? I know we still have his room ready, I always made sure of that over the years, just incase, and now you're here. Tell Roland to drop his things there, Gertie. We have much catching up to do, Finn."

"I've said, that's enough, go upstairs," he loudly whispered to her harshly.

"Alright! I'll see you at dinner Finn." She smiled to me and went back up, he followed her, leaving me alone with Aggie.

"Incase you're too stupid as Miriam, you're the prize son she could never provide my father," she said after they were gone.

"Again, who's Miriam?" I asked again, annoyed that no one would tell me who she was.

"You'll see soon enough," was all she would say.

"Tell me now. Is she like your sister?"

"Not anymore," she vaguely said before she left me.

* * *

**Okay, I forgot to mention that this takes place in the pre WWII era of the late 1930's, sorry if you guys were confused earlier.**

**Thanks so much for the reviews! I really appreciate them, again, thanks! Miriam will be officially introduced in the next chapter, I promise.**

**Jules**


	5. Chapter 5

Not anymore? She must be disowned, yet if she was then why was she still living with the family and not banished away?

The maid from earlier approached me soon after, "Hello Finn, I'm Gertie, I'll take you to your room, come, it's of the east wing, also where Aggie and Miriam's rooms are located, and that up there is the south where Mr. and Mrs. Cromwell reside in."

She carried my suitcase and led me down the grand hallways and large quarters, up the stairs. I was going to get lost here quite a few times, I could tell. I looked through the doorways seeing the rooms, "That room there is Aggie's," she said. Her room was plain with plaid wallpaper and oak furniture and not one single personal touch anywhere other than books; it was all too neat to be considered lived in. The next room's door was shut, "That room is Miriam's."

This is my chance, "Who is Miriam?"

"They didn't tell you?"

"No, they've been acting weird about the subject, she's obviously not dead so why is she a secret?"

"She's the master's other daughter who is not dead, she's just very ill and can't handle company at the moment. And I advise if you just leave it at that and don't pry."

"Pry? I'm technically her brother. So is she dying then?"

"Not quite, but some of the family feels as if she already is."

Agatha, I say to myself, "What does she have? Cancer?"

"Please, let me take you to your room, you know more than enough. Just forget about it and just worry about yourself, it's the only way you're going to survive here."

"You mean him?" She might be able to tell me something valuable for the future.

"Seeing that bruise on your arm I presume he's already put some sense into you. I don't quite know how much you know, but there's a reason you're here and why you should try everything and anything to be on his good side."

"Is it because of my mother?"

"You're mother is only half of it, the other half is written on your face."

She motions with her hand for me to look above. There I saw what her and Agatha were referring to in their comments and startled first glances at me. At the top of the left wall of the hall was the big painted portrait of Finn. He did look like me. I mean, truly it was me, God, even our hair was the same.

"How did he die? Is it true my mother was responsible?" I asked stunned at eeriness of looking at my reflection through an old painting.

"It is believed he died in a hunting accident when he was seventeen. Bull, in my opinion, my guess is the master may found out about Finn and your mother and shot him, his own brother, in anger caused by your mother's infidelity. My point is, Finn, you have the face of his little brother who betrayed him, and he's a man who didn't hesitate to kill his own brother and won't hesitate to kill his son or nephew if driven enough. Think about it."

She was silent as she led me to the end of the hall to the last room and opened the door. This was going to be my new room. It wasn't bad, it was big with bay windows and I had my own bathroom, the room was bright having white walls, and I had a big bed with blue comforting. The bad part was my new family. I was hoping Miriam would be different and be my one ally here, since apparently my father was a monster and potential murderer, my sister was his precious little spy, and my stepmother was my mother's backstabbing friend out to take her place as my mom, I had no one I could trust or at least befriend, I was alone here.

She put my suitcase on the bed. "Would you be needing anything else?" she asked as if the previous conversation never took place.

"No, I'm fine thank you," I told her, wanting to be alone.

"Dinner is served at seven by the way, and be on time, your father hates it when people are late."

She left me finally, shutting the door behind her with a click; I noticed then that the door had no lock when clearly all the doors looked like they had locks on the outside. Then I realized, locks on the outside to lock one in but not inside to lock one out. That click! I rushed back to the door. It was locked; she locked me in my room. I tried opening it but it was a lost cause, it would not budge. I hit the door in frustration, ignoring the pain the hard wood caused. What was I, some animal? It was insulting to be locked up like this.

I slowly walked to the other side of the bed and collapsed on the floor and broke down. I didn't know if I was crying because of my mother's death, or crying in pain from soreness, or for the sad loneliness that was my horrible new home. At this point I didn't care if he were to murder me, there wasn't anything for me to live for.

All of a sudden I faintly heard a girl singing, a beautiful voice soon cut off by what I think was Agatha yelling harshly and then there was crying.

**0o0o0o0**

I opened my eyes to the sound of the door opening. I had fallen asleep for the past few hours on the floor.

"Dinner is going to be ready, were you sleeping?"

I lift my head up to see it was the maid again, Gertie. "Why did you lock me in?" I demanded.

"Look at you, you can't go down looking like that. Come on, get up, hurry, we need to get you into a clean shirt and fix your hair." She ordered ignoring my question.

I slowly got up, still sore as she opened my suitcase and went through it.

"What are you doing?" I protested at her rudeness of going through my things.

"I'm looking for something decent for you to wear." She still continued rummaging through it then giving up and stopping, "You have nothing, you're lucky this was Finn's old room and that his clothes were never taken out." She said going to the closet.

"I thought I was put in the room I had as a baby?"

"You'd rather be in that nursery in their wing right next to Lydia? You're far better off here, across from the two people you should avoid."

"Fair enough," I muttered to myself, watching her lay out a button up shirt, waiting for her to leave again. She didn't and just waited there. She wasn't planning on helping me dress was she? "You could go now, I'm pretty sure I don't anymore help."

"I know, but I was told to make sure you dress appropriately and—"She paused as if she was about to say something I shouldn't know.

_And make it to dinner without running away_, I finished for myself.

"Listen I was a nurse in the First World War, I have three boys of my own, and two grandsons, you don't have anything I haven't seen. The shirt may be a bit big but will fit loosely and the pants don't both wearing until you grow some inches."

"I'm not going to steal anything or run off," I argued, not letting her change the subject on me again and not believing that she was serious.

"And I never said you would."

"All I'm asking is for privacy, that's all; I promise I won't ask for anything else." She didn't listen to me and was pulling my shirt up.

"Hey! Stop it." I pulled my shirt down and out of her grip, "I can dress myself. I'm not a child."

"Than dress then!" She snapped at me.

"Not with you here."

"You acting like a child, making a big deal out of nothing, you don't have to make this so difficult.

Maybe if I bring up Miriam she'll leave to avoid telling me about her.

"I heard a girl crying. Was that—?"

"I'm not answering you."

"That was her, wasn't it?"

"You could be just hearing things."

"No I'm not, that was her, why was she crying?"

"If I leave and wait outside the door will you stop asking me about Miriam?" She reason.

"Okay," I smiled to myself seeing I got my way for once.

**0o0o0o0**

Gertie lead me to the dining room. The room was long as a ballroom yet thin as a bedroom. Two tapestry sheets with faded threads portraying biblical scenes were displayed on the wide walls. The table was long as well and of nicely polished mahogany that shined so much it looked like a pool of dark water. It was the ceiling though, a beautiful hand painted dusk sky, that was the main attraction in the room.

Henry was at the head with Lydia on his left and Agatha on his right. I was seated next to Agatha. I put the linen napkin on my lap to show I am not poorly mannered and uncivil. I'm used to fancy dinners having Josh as a friend and going to private school, I know about etiquette, I know what fork is the salad fork and which is the meal one, not to put your shoulders on the table and always sit up straight---why was I stressing on this? It wasn't like he cared how well mannered I was, he will always look down on me with disgust nevertheless.

"Why did you order me to be locked in my room?" I asked abruptly, still angry and now temporarily unafraid seeing death, the worst-case scenario, as an escape.

"Knowing your kind I didn't want you running away and stealing from me," He answered, shaming me for something I'm not.

"Will I always be locked in my room?"

"You new here Finn and I don't know yet what you're capable of and till then, you will. I'm still mad at how you greeted me and if you plan on being silent then being locked away from everyone shouldn't be a problem. Now please apologize for your rude greeting you just made now."

"I'm sorry for getting angry about being locked away against my will, how thoughtless of me?" I sarcastically apologized knowing this would get me in trouble, but I knew it would be worth it.

He didn't say anything. He sat there in silence at my remarking apology. He did this, it was his way of bringing fear, to not do anything back and act normal giving his opponent the stressful anticipation of when or if he would get punished. My heart was beating fast as he stayed there silent either waiting for his food or waiting to kill me.

"Perhaps Finn, if you would have chosen your original room next to mine, you wouldn't have to be locked in," Lydia suddenly broke the silence.

"I'm fine where I am, thank you." I said sullenly.

"Oh well it's there ready for you incase you ever want to change rooms."

"Can I have that room Mother?" Agatha asked.

"No! That's Finn's room and you know it, I told you no before," she hissed defensively as if she said something appalling.

"But that was when he was missing, now he's found and refused the room in person."

"Well you can't, you have to stay where you are where you can keep close eye on Miriam and give her company!"

"She's why I want to move, mother, I can't stand her; she invades my privacy and messes up my room and just won't leave me alone!"

"I'm sorry but you're her sister and you have to be there for her."

"Even when she's—"she paused realizing something, "Never mind," she muttered giving up on the argument.

Okay, Miriam is a touchy subject, but who exactly is Miriam and what happened to her? I wanted to asked, but I knew from Gertie I shouldn't and in time I'd figure it out.

"Yes I know, Miriam isn't herself lately, but that's no reason to stop treating her like your sister," Lydia proclaimed.

I can't keep quiet on my curiosity when she's stating she's still family and yet not telling me, who technically is her brother, about her, "If so, then why are—"

Gertie then burst through the double doors carrying plates with brass coverings, "Dinner is ready." She put one plate in front of Henry and the other to Lydia and walked back to the kitchen to get the rest.

Dinner was steak with mashed potatoes and steamed spinach. The steak was nearly raw and was leaking red juice when I pressed my fork to it.

"Is there something wrong Finn?" Lydia noticed me not eating.

"No, Lydia, I'm just not really that hungry."

"Mother," she corrected.

Wait? "What?" I asked hoping I heard wrong.

"Mother, call me Mother or Mom, whatever suites you."

I dropped my fork at this, appalled. Was she's joking? She couldn't be serious. "No," I simply said, "Lydia suits me fine."

"But since your mother is dead and I'm your father's wife that makes me your mother now."

"Step-mother is what that makes you," I corrected, "I'm not calling you Mom, I'm sorry, but you cannot expect me to, especially after she just recently died!"

"As long as you're living here, you will address her as mother," Henry intervened.

"I won't," I said firmly.

"Gertie take away his food," he turned and ordered, "Finn is not to be fed till he properly addresses my wife."

"I'll starve to death before I'll ever call her mom," I pull my chair out and stood up ready to leave. "I'll be in my room, as if there's anywhere else I'd go to." I quickly vanished to my room miraculously remembering where it was.

Once there, I had begun pacing the room, furious. She actually expected me to without any objections! Just disrespect my mom like that, a day after her funeral! The nerve of her! Cursing, I rapidly unbutton my shirt and ripping it off in repulsion as if it was some hated school uniform. I rummaged through my suitcase for my casual baseball shirt and jeans. I changed my clothes not caring if anyone was going to walk in on me, I had the notion that I was going to die anyways for that's what I'd have to do before I call that woman mother. But as soon as I had my jeans on and was pulling my head through my shirt I noticed something. My mother's photo albums were missing. _Miriam's been messing up my stuff again,_ Aggie's words go through my head as I realized. I then heard a movement. I was suddenly quiet and pulled my shirt completely on and slowly look around warily. Could that had been her and if so where was she? More importantly, how long was she in my room and how much did she see?

I heard muffled giggling coming from the closet. This was it, my meeting with the mysterious Miriam. I open the sliding shutter closet door expecting anything, but not expecting what I was about to see.

My anger was gone but not forgotten and I was spellbound. There before me was the most beautiful girl, the kind of beautiful someone never sees in person and only sees in the movies. Her big blue eyes were so blue they almost looked violet, they stood out with her long straight dark ash-brown hair that reflected red highlights, long lashes girls would kill for, and her tan skin. She had cat like features, heart shaped head, same almond shaped eyes as Amy's, and a small straight nose. If there was one thing about her features that wasn't perfect, maybe it was her lips being thin, but it didn't take away from anything. She was sitting there smiling innocent and mischievously showing her pearl white straight teeth. That broke my trance and I suddenly remembered that she's most likely my sister and it wasn't right. But there was something more that also didn't seem right, her face had the same expression of that of a child playing hide and seek and what she was wearing, she looked my age, yet she was wearing a dress a little girl would wear, pink with ruffles and bows complete with matching ribbons tied in her hair.

"Miriam?" I said still a bit speechless.

"How did you know my name?" She asked in awe.

"Lucky guess."

"Wow, guess what's my last name?" She said excitedly.

I didn't dare ask, but I could make a 'lucky guess' over what's wrong with her. "Cromwell," I play along.

She was amazed then automatically switched to looking upset, "You're wrong," she lied.

"I am? What is your last name then?"

"Darling."

"As in Wendy Darling from Peter Pan?" I asked knowing I'm right.

"How did you know? You were right before. Are you psychic?"

"No," I smile sheepishly, "Why did you lie and say I was wrong?"

"I hate it when people are right," she said sadly averting her eyes, "especially Aggie, she's says I'm stupid and never right about anything. Are you smart like Aggie?"

"Smarter," I replied, "And Aggie's wrong, when she calls you stupid," I tried to reassure her.

"You're smarter than Aggie?"

"Very much, you shouldn't listen to anything she says," I said hoping Aggie wouldn't be able to hurt her anymore with her comments she gets sick pleasure out of giving.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Finn."

"Darling?" She asked.

"Yeah," I kindly lie, "Hey did you take my photo albums by any chance?" I ask her.

"Sorry, they're in my room. I like pictures, was that lady your mom?"

"Yeah."

"Where is she? Is she here with you?"

"She's---" I was about to say dead but she probably wouldn't understand, "She's gone."

"Where to?"

"Heaven," I said hoping she'll get the concept.

"Oh, that's the same place my mom said my dad went to, do you think that maybe they know each other?"

"Possibly," I said after she revealed she's my stepsister.

"Can you open this for me?" she picked up a book with a lock and handed it to me.

"It's a diary", I said, "Who's is this?"

"I don't know, I found it in my mattress," she shrugged.

"Sure, I put it my suitcase for now." This was getting odd, it could be Aggie's or strangely it could be hers, but how? "Could please give me the albums back?" I ask.

"Follow me!" She got up and looked through the lock hole and then took out a hair pin and picked the lock and opened the door in one fluid motion as if this was a routine she has everyday.

I followed her to her room; which was right next to mine. She opened her door and I walked in. The room was pink and white all over, fit for a princess, but I didn't pay attention to detail as I was lost looking at the pictures in the frames and the questions it brought. One picture was of her with a boy, another of her with friends at a birthday, all looked recent. Then there was a picture next to a trophy of her looking stunning all made up in a gown sporting a sash and crown, but no smile or tears of joy in winning the title. The next picture was of her possibly twelve with an older man.

"That's my dad who's now in Heaven, I don't remember him much," she said seeing me looking at the picture.

That doesn't make sense, "This looks like it was from two years ago. You have to remember something."

"I had a horse riding accident, took all my memories. Have you ever had your memories taken from you?" she asks with heartbreaking innocence.

"No," I sadly look away. _Horse riding accident_, I repeat to myself suspiciously.

I then notice something even more heartbreaking, on her satin canopy bed were thick brown leather straps with buckles. I couldn't believe what I saw. They're sick.

"Miriam what is he doing in here!"

I suddenly turn to see Lydia standing there. "I'm sorry, I just came in here to get my photo albums back, I let her borrow them earlier, I didn't know." I tried to make it look like it was my fault.

"Sorry what, Finn?" she asked.

"Sorry ma'am," I said instead of mom.

She slapped me in the face hard, "I breast fed you, you know," she spat on the verge of tears, "Now go to your room," I stayed there, "Go! Leave us, " She snapped.

I reluctantly left not wanting to leave Miriam, afraid she was going to punish her. I stood by the door not closing it and wanting to lock myself in.

"Shut the door," she hissed.

I gave her an evil look before slamming the door in her face.

I stood there hearing her yell viciously at Miriam, not being able to tell what she was saying to her, but praying not to hear any bangs or screams. Then I heard the door shut and the clicking of her heels walking away and I breathed in relief.

I quickly went to my suitcase and got the diary out and begun working on breaking the small lock. It took me awhile before I finally got it open after hitting it on the dresser repeatedly. Thank god the lock was plastic. I opened the diary and started reading.

_Today was my birthday. I don't really feel any different now that I'm a teenager. Mother gave me a new dress for the pageant as well as a stuffed bra and make-up, and Aggie gave methe usual speech of how I'm nothing but beauty and should dread every birthday for it brings me closer to losing my youth. I don't care, I could get into a car crash right now and lose my face and I'll still be fine, I find my looks a burden for people look at me and assume that that's all I have to offer, a pretty face, and automatically assume I want to be a model or actress. But no one ever guesses me for what I truly am, a writer for the school paper, an honor student, a softball player, an award-winning mathematician and spelling bee champion, who's also fluent in four languages, no they only see me as a beauty queen which my mother forces me to be and only brags to people about. I may not know what I want to be when I grow up, but it sure isn't anything in the showbiz department. I'm looking in the mirror right now, tempted to take the scissors and cut my hair off, no, that's too much too soon, maybe instead I'll start over eating and slowly get fatter and fatter and see how mother likes that. No I can't do that, I don't want to be repulsive now that I have David, my boyfriend. _

_He's the only one who cares and appreciates me for what I truly am and I don't want to test his love as well by gaining weight to punish my mother. He got me this diary for my birthday in which I'm writing in. I love him. No, really I do. We met at school, he's three years older than me but that doesn't matter since I'm more mature than he is. Joking, we're equal when it comes to that. He just got his license and I can't wait to go out driving with him tonight, he's planning on taking me somewhere, but I don't know where, it suppose to be a surprise. I think he's taking me to his school dance, which is only for kids in his grade, only because I've been bugging him about it. _

_I hope we kiss again tonight. One of the things about I love is that he's catholic and wants to wait for our wedding night to have sex. I know, too good to be true, but he's actually serious. Sometimes I think the only reason he asked me out is because of my age, I'm now thirteen and I don't plan on having sex anytime soon and I'll be happy to wait until our wedding night and only neck with him till then. That doesn't mean I don't think about it though. I do now and then, I wonder what it'd feel like and if it'd be as magical and exhilarating as everyone makes it out to be. Then I wonder soon after, if it would be with David on our wedding night or----I don't even want to write it, there is more to why I want to make myself repulsive._

I froze in horror. Oh god no. Could she be implying—I quickly flip the page afraid of what I was going to read next.

_Well I finally got my birthday present from Henry, a black eye. How sweet of that bastard. On night of my birthday he caught David and I kissing behind the tree in the yard, it was after the dance he snuck me to earlier. Henry overreacted and threatened David and told him he could never see me again then forced me to back inside with him where punched me and called me a good for nothing whore and started giving me another ludicrous lecture about "girls like me" and what they're only good for, and I can't stop cringing from his face being close to mine in that moment, I was so afraid he was going to--- he didn't and I really need to think of something to prevent it and fast. Anyways thanks to his lovely present, I couldn't be a contestant at the annual Lakeview pageant. Mother threw a fit at this while I took the ever so wonderful extra time, make-up and sequin free, writing in this diary. Thank you Henry._

_I will see David again, and Henry can't control that. I am a free person not his caged animal. He can't control me. He can try all he wants, but he'll never reduce me to what he wants me to be, a pretty doll who doesn't think for herself and is only there to be dressed up and look pretty. I'm not another one of my mother's porcelain dolls and will never be his._

I was so into reading the dairy I didn't here Miriam unlock the door and come in. She saw I had broke the lock off the diary and got it open.

"You opened it!" she rushed to me and hugged me gingerly, unhurt from Lydia yelling at her, "I knew you could Finny!" She called me Finny as if she knew me forever, "Thank you!" She lightly kissed me on the cheek and took the diary from me and ran out with it.

"Miriam wait!" I ran after her but she accidentally closed the door forgetting that it locked me in once shut.

I had to get that diary back, I had to read more and get answers.

The irony was tragic; she currently was everything she promised she'd never be. Henry knew just how to break people, break them into their own personal nightmares. I had to save her. This girl writing this diary wasn't dead, and I know she's still there inside. I had to find a way to bring her back.

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AN: Thanks so much for the reviews! Sorry for the typos and if any of this is confusing to you guys. Oh and I made a cover to Paper Wings, you can see it at the link on my profile page


	6. Chapter 6

I couldn't sleep that night. I spent all night lying awake, thinking about Miriam. What made her the way she was? And more importantly, how was I going to get her back? First things first, I had to find out more; I especially had to see how they made her the way she was. It could have been amnesia with brainwashing, or permanent brain damage. I sensed that this was planned, that Henry wanted her to be like this. But amnesia wasn't something you could simply summon up as easy as brain damage.

I couldn't come up with anything at the top of my head. How could someone purposely take away a person's memory? As far as I knew, it was impossible.

Suddenly, I heard a creak as my door opened. I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep, expecting it to be Miriam. Whoever it was walked to the bed and sat at my bedside. I continued to lie there, wanting to open my eyes and see who it was. Then, there gently was a hand stroking my hair with dainty, long-nailed fingers.

"I can't believe you're actually here." It was Lydia. "I remember when you were born… such a beautiful baby you were. I held your tiny body in my arms afterwards, and rocked you till you slept. It's surreal to have you back. I prayed so hard that I'd get you back in my arms again, and now you're here and all grown up, looking like some handsome young prince. I hate Alicia for taking you from me. She may have given birth to you, but I am your true mother. If only you saw that. If only you knew how much I love you. I love you more than Miriam, even more than Agatha. You are my favorite. You were always my favorite. In time you'll let me be your mother again, as soon as I show I am everything Alicia never was as a mother. From now on I will give you everything she couldn't afford to give. I will do anything to make you love me, as you loved that wretched woman who robbed you of a happy childhood." She must have thought I was asleep, and assumed I wouldn't hear her vows of insanity.

I was getting Goosebumps as she said that, hoping she would leave. She ran her fingers through my hair once more before getting up and leaving the room. I waited till I heard the sound of her footsteps fade before I sat up. I hated her. Already, I hated her. She didn't know my mother; she couldn't possibly know what my mother had gone through for me, living the way she did. She could spoil me all she wanted, even threaten me, but I'd never love her the way I loved my mother, and she couldn't make me. Little did she know, she was already everything my mother never was to me.

I then noticed that she'd left the door open a crack. I quickly jumped out of bed and went to the door, opening it slowly and quietly walking out to Miriam's bedroom door, and into her room. I felt my way around in the near-pitch darkness. The pale moonlight that shone through her window provided enough light for me to find her bed.

There I found her, strapped tightly to her bed and sleeping serenely, like a real-life Sleeping Beauty. I immediately started unbuckling the first strap, then the next, freeing her from the bonds that smothered her body. When I got to the third strap, someone placed their hand over mine, startling me. I looked up to see Miriam awake. Her eyes were red and gleaming, as if she had previously cried herself to sleep that night.

"What are you doing?" she asked me.

"Un-strapping you," I replied, continuing to do so.

She stopped me, "You can't… I sleepwalk. I need them."

"Did they tell you why you sleepwalk?" I asked skeptically.

"No, they said I just do."

"Of course," I said to myself. "Miriam, what did you do with the book you took from me?"

"What book?"

"The one I was reading earlier after I broke the lock off it."

"I forgot where I put it. I always lose things. I can't seem to keep track. I'm afraid I'll forget you too."

"What? You just met me, you won't forget me. Why would you forget?"

"I forget all the time."

"Forget what? I misplace things all the time, it's normal. Don't worry, it's a lot harder to forget people. You'll remember me, I promise."

"You mean you're staying?" Her eyes lit up.

"Of course I am! I live here now."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'll be right here, next door to you till I'm eighteen."

"Will you still be my friend then?"

"Friend?"

"Well, I don't have that many. Aggie doesn't like me much and Kip is always too busy to play with me. I used to have lots of friends, you know- I see them in my pictures. I guess they didn't want to be with me after I lost my memory." She longingly looked to her pictures in the frames.

"You don't have to ask, you already have my friendship. Who is Kip?"

"He's Gertie's grandson, he helps out with the garden and pool." She yawned.

"Do you know where food is kept around here?" I asked, hungry because I hadn't eaten since the morning of the funeral.

"No," she said, and then thought for a moment before suddenly pulling her legs from under the straps I'd tried to undo and getting out of bed to walk to her dresser. She opened the second drawer and reached out to take a cardboard box of chocolates. "Don't let Aggie see you have these, I stole them from her." She got back in bed. "Here, help strap me back up."

"Why? It's not right for you to be strapped down like that."

"Please, I'll get in trouble. I don't want to make her mad at me again."

"So what if she gets mad, what she's doing is wrong." I was about to say inhumane, but I knew she wouldn't understand the meaning of the word.

"Please Finny, she'll hurt me."

"What are you doing in her room?" a shadow at the doorway demanded, walking forward and revealing herself as Agatha.

I breathed in relief, hiding the box of chocolates behind my back, "Nothing, I—"

"You un-strapped her. How could you?" She went to Miriam's bed and ordered, "Hold still." As she began to re-buckle her, she continued, "Why didn't you stop him, Miriam? Huh? Is it because you like the attention his pity brought?"

"No," she denied weakly.

"No?" Agatha mockingly repeated as she pulled the strap tight, hurting her.

"Stop it!" I said, not knowing what to do.

"Tell me, Miriam, is that why?"

I pushed Aggie away. "I did it when she was sleeping, she just woke up now."

Her attention shifted to the box of chocolates I just dropped on the floor. "You've been steeling from my room again!"

She lunged forward and reached for Miriam's hair, but I got in her way. "Leave her alone."

"So what, are you like her protector now?"

"A friend. Tell me, Aggie, why do you like treating her this way? What did she ever do to you?" I challenged, not afraid of some ten-year-old.

"A friend, huh? You tell me, Finn, if you would be as _friendly_ as you are if she wasn't pretty."

"She's my sister, as are you. Looks have nothing to do with it; it's the kindness she has, and you have not, shown to me.

"Is that so?" She retorted sarcastically. She quickly finished strapping Miriam up and turned back to me. "Have the damn chocolates, you need them more than I do. Close her door on the way out, brother dear, and try staying out of her room, she may act like a child, but physically, she's far from one." She walked out of the room.

I got in front of her, now in the hallway, aghast at her suspicions. "Just what the hell are you implying here? She's my sister, I would never-"

"Never say never, Finn. You can't tell me you can look at her and not feel one ounce of attraction. And if you can, well you've only been here for a day. But I know what's going to happen in the upcoming months, or years, depending on your stamina to keep it in."

"Keep what in?" I demanded, knowing where she was headed with this.

"Don't play innocent with me," she snorted, looking at me and centering her gaze at a certain area below.

My jaw dropped, "My god, how could you even suggest that I would rape her, much less try to do anything to her?"

"Oh, please. I know enough about Kip to know all about boys like you."

"Oh really, boys like me, huh?" I couldn't believe her- she was acting like a mature know-it-all, yet she was an immature brat who was too ignorant to know anything.

"Boys like you, who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. I know boys like you."

"Oh, you do now? Please, do tell, share with me what you know about boys like me," I urged back in playful cynicism, secretly laughing at her.

"They're poorly educated, they steal and lie, they grow up to be either gamblers or drunks, or both, who learn about sex at a young age by going to whorehouses."

"You forgot playing in gutters, having faces stained with soot, being dirty with fleas, and being beggars, conmen, and carriers of many diseases," I chastised with amusement. "Oh, and a bastard child."

"You think you're sly, don't you? You think that you can come back here and charm your way into everyone's hearts. Well, you may be the lost baby my mother's been crying about for years on end, and you may be a boy, but you're not going to be the favored one."

"So this is what this is, rivalry. You're threatened by me, so you don't want to get along with me."

"You have no idea how much you put me through, how much pain you caused me while I tried to live up to that kidnapped baby boy my mother was so obsessed about. Did you know that after I was born, my mother cried for days and refused to nurse me? It was because I wasn't born a boy as she hoped would replace you." She narrowed her eyes at me in revulsion as if I had deliberately set out to do this, " I've done so much to be where I am right now and I'm not going to let your arrival change that. You're not my brother, and I will never love you. I may not know you, but I've hated you my whole life and will continue to, till eventually I find a way to get you out of my life."

"That's not fair; you can't hold me responsible for something I had no control over. I'm sorry if my being born made your life hell, but it's not like it happened on purpose, as if my whole reason for existence is to ruin you."

She was now at her doorway, about to shut her door. "No, not me, your face reveals another purpose." Her lips curved in a twisted grin. "Let's just hope history doesn't repeat itself." She shut the door in my face and left me there to wonder.

I went back to Miriam, who had fallen back asleep. She wasn't pretty- she was beautiful, tragically beautiful, but that didn't mean anything to me; and it sure didn't mean I was going try to be with her romantically. She was practically my sister, and even if she wasn't, it still wouldn't cross my mind to see her as anything other than a sister and friend. I quietly picked up the chocolates and put them back in the box.

I was going to walk out right then, but her pictures suddenly had no shadows hiding them to stop me. I had seen them previously, but I didn't get the chance to study them fully like I was now, with the new knowledge from her diary entry.

I looked at a picture of Miriam taken at a school dance, dressed in a strapless white dress with a full cascading skirt of lace that flowed just a little past her knees. She was smiling radiantly, with her arms around who I believed was David (not bad looking I guess), and they were standing in front of a background with hand painted clouds, with the words "Dancing on Cloud 9, April 12 1945" written on it. That picture was taken a little over a year ago, I learned by the date.

The next picture was of her in a bathing suit, with her friends at a beach. She was standing in the middle and stood out, being the only girl with wet hair amongst all her friends who had different sorts of flower bathing caps on. Then my eyes shifted to a framed clipping, a small picture of her in front of a microphone and wearing a sparkling costume. I squinted, reading the headline, "Dino Ginavani's only daughter wins the crown by her show stopping voice". Dino Ginavani, that name was familiar to me. Where had I heard that name mentioned?

I switched to a picture of her and her father; I noticed now that the picture was taken somewhere in Italy. She looked like him a bit, with the same tan skin and dark hair, and without a doubt she got her eyes from him. The next one was an action shot of her on a horse, sporting a sophisticated riding outfit and mounting a hurdle as a crowd of people cheered in the background. Quite a life this spunky girl lived, I thought longingly to myself as I walked out of her room and back to mine, shutting my door and knowing I was locking myself back in.

I suddenly awakened hours later, feeling someone touch my face. Instead of the chocolates giving me a temporarily full stomach, they made me throw up and left me starving after. I was lightheaded as I opened my eyes to see Lydia holding a tray of food, sitting at the side on my bed. I tried not to look at the food, madly wanting to wolf it down.

"I thought I'd bring you breakfast in bed on your first morning here, and maybe we could catch up. I'm dying to hear more about you. So what do you say?"

"I'll say yes but I won't say mother," I replied, trying to sit up but soon falling back down on my pillow in dizziness.

"This rebellion is pointless, you know. Sooner or later you will have to eat, and you will have to call me mother."

"I don't have to do anything I don't want to, and I don't want to disrespect my true mother."

"Why respect her? Can't you see what she's deprived you of for all these years?" She protested as if I was raised homeless.

"Yeah, she was such a terrible mother for depriving me of abuse," I quipped.

"Any abuse you have gotten here, you inflict on yourself. If you're good and do as you're told, you won't to be treated this way."

"You mean if I lower myself to obeying every command without question? Isn't that abuse in itself?" I questioned cynically.

Lydia picked up the tray and stood at once. "You're not eating or leaving this room until you address me properly. I do not deserve to be treated like this by you. You should be thanking me with all your heart that I'm your current mother. I'll be back. Until then, think about how to better treat me." She walked out and shut the door quickly.

Hour by hour I grew weaker. I didn't know how much longer I could go on like this. I didn't bother getting dressed; I didn't have the strength to. I just lay there, trying not to think of food. I tried drinking a lot of water to give me the illusion of being full, but it only worked for a short time. I had lost track of time and soon my mind. I was in a state s bordering on conscious and unconsciousness. I heard my mother repeat again and again in my head, _As long as you live, I will always be your mother_, as I tried to convince myself not to give up and let Lydia win me over.

She eventually returned and unfortunately when I was at my worst. She found me lying on the floor and rushed to me with a bowl of thick oatmeal mixed with milk. Even in my weakness I could see she loved seeing me helpless; she lifted my upper body onto her lap and held me like I was a baby, my head resting in her arms as she held a spoonful to my mouth.

"Sweetie, I know you're hungry, just call me Mommy, please," she crooned.

"No," I said simply in a raspy voice.

She took the spoon away and slammed it down in the bowl. "You're hungry, starving… why won't you just address me as your mother?" she said coarsely, infuriated at my stubborn resistance. I looked at her, saying nothing. She fumed and put the bowl down. "Fine, be that way. Eat up then, you'll need your strength when I get your father involved."

I froze in panic and grabbed her wrist. "No, please don't…Mother," I whispered as a tear rolled down my cheek, knowing I had just failed my real mother.

Lydia's face brightened and she embraced me tenderly. "Well, that's more like it. You and I are going to grow quite close, I can tell," she said, smiling.

I regained my strength by the next day and had bought my freedom with the forced betrayal of my mother. The small bathroom in my room had no shower, and the nearest one was located in the big bathroom a couple doors down. The hall bathroom was actually bigger than my old room in the apartment, with a huge tub as well as a shower with marble interior instead of tile. I studied myself in the bathroom mirror before getting in the shower, looking at the rainbow of bruises all over my upper body. They still ached and made me wince every time pressure was applied to them. I stepped in the shower, taking the opportunity to cry without anyone hearing or seeing me. I was so ashamed of myself for letting her win.

As soon as I was finished and dressed, I went out looking for Miriam. I found Gertie instead.

"Hello Finn, good to see you out and well-nourished," she quipped.

"Good to see that someone cares," I greeted back. "Do you know where I can find Miriam?"

"I see you two met, you're all she's been talking about lately."

"What's wrong with her?"

"I told you." She tried walking away to avoid answering me.

"No, you only gave hints."

She stopped walking and replied, "Last year she got into an accident and she's been this way ever since."

"Is there any chance she'll get better?"

"Are you kidding? I'll tell you this much, and this much only; accidents don't happen here. Everything happens for a reason." She looked out the window and turned to me again. "Miriam's out in the garden with my grandson."

I walked down the grand stairway and found my way to the back gardens where I saw Miriam laying on the lawn, far out by a fenced-off cliff overlooking a beach. There was a dark-skinned boy in dirty overalls, holding a shovel and talking to her. I ran to where they were.

Miriam sat up on her elbows and called out, "Finny!"

"So you're the boy everybody's been raving about, huh? I'm Kip." He held out his hand.

We shook hands. "Yeah, Gertie told me about you."

He was tall and looked a couple years older than me, with shoulder length black hair tied back in a ponytail and a few loose strands falling in front of his dark brown eyes.

"I'm glad I'm not the only teen around here anymore. When Henry's on a business trip and you ever need to get out, let me know. I can take you to this really neat joint I know where age don't matter, my friend, if you know what I mean."

"Sure, I'll do that," I lied, not really up to his offer when I saw a liquor bottle concealed in one of his pockets. So this is what Agatha saw me as.

"Hey, what about me? You forgot that I'm a teen too!" Miriam frowned.

"I didn't forget about you, it's just that this place is boys-only. You wouldn't like it there, Miss Miri Lee," he told her playfully. "Well, I have to get back to work. It was nice meeting you, Finn." He waved to me before walking away.

"Same here," I called out after him.

"Where were you yesterday?" Miriam asked when he was gone, looking up at me and blocking the sun from her eyes with her hand.

"I was locked in." I sat down next to her on the grass.

I knew she would understand what that meant and she nodded, then asking, "Is Mr. Jenkins going to tutor you, too?"

"Mr. Jenkins?" Tutor? As if it couldn't get any worse.

"He's Agatha's tutor. Momma doesn't want her to go to school."

"What about you? Does he tutor you too, or do you go to school instead?"

"I want to go to school and be with kids my age, but Mr. Jenkins says I'm too stupid to learn anything and refuses to tutor me. So instead I just play all day."

"He really said you're too stupid to learn?"

"Yep."

I had an idea. "So where is this tutor?"

"It's summer vacation, he's not going to be back for month."

I smiled. Perfect. "Miriam, what would you say if I told you that I can prove to this tutor and Agatha that you're not stupid, and can indeed learn?"

"I don't know, can you?"

"Sure I can, we have a whole month. That gives me plenty of time to teach you."

"You're going to be my tutor?"

"Well I'm not exactly qualified, but yes, I going to tutor you and when he comes back we'll show him how smart you really are."

"But I'm not smart."

"Yes you are. You just forgot you are. It's one of your lost memories."

That's what I was going to do, devote myself to bringing her back. That alone was what would keep me alive, keep me blocking out thoughts of suicide and my mother's death. I was her only hope; the only one here that was just as vulnerable as she was.

* * *

**Thanks so much for the reviews! Let me know if you want me to reply to them, becuase I'm new to the whole reply to reviews concept, I'm so used to doingSOs, so if in the past you wanted me to reply to them and I didn't, it didn't mean I wasn't appreciative of your reviews, so again just tell me if you want me to reply or ask questions you have about the series(things were so much easier when SOs were allowed) at the Paper Wings board(link on my profile page)**

**Jules**


	7. Chapter 7

I soon found out that Henry, when not on a business trip would be off in the city on weekdays. That was relief and fit into my plan of tutoring Miriam nicely. I got myself into an everyday routine. I would meet up with Miriam out in the yard at ten after Henry left and there we'd start on the basics, reading and writing. She knew how to read, and well, and had already read the books I brought her and knew them by heart. I got excited, seeing this a sign that it wasn't brain damage, but when I brought her a few encyclopedias she threw of fit of frustration. I then learned she actually didn't know how to read and only knew those previous books because Agatha had read them to her countless of times to help her sleep.

Agatha was another mystery. I haven't seen her since that night and since formal dinners are only on Sundays. She stayed up in her room all day and when I did see her, she wouldn't take notice in my presence and walk past me or look at me in suspicion if I was with Miriam.

I noticed something when first eating breakfast with Miriam in the study on our wing. She was given medication every morning and evening. I dared to ask Miriam about them once Gertie left.

"It's to take the nightmares away and make me well," she told me.

"Nightmares of what?" _Of your past? _

"Nightmares of a scary and shiny monster with eyes so bright, they blind me as it growls and quickly gets closer and closer to me." Her fork was shaking in her hand as she explained this to me, trembling with fear.

This sounded far from a horse riding accident…

I reframed from asking her more, seeing how shaky she was by this and decided I should wait.

After the episode with the encyclopedias, I tried another approach. An idea I suddenly got one afternoon when Miriam wasn't motivated to learn anything and only wanted to play.

"Finny please, no one else would play with me."

I look to my mitt and baseball. Some things never leave you. You can forget your past but you'll always remember how to play a sport you once loved.

I rushed outside to where Kip was working at trimming bushes. He looked up and squinted as I approached him. "So you're still up for my offer?" He smiled.

"What?"

He looked around, checking to see if anyone was near, "Remember my offer?"

I remembered and wanted to avoid it, "Oh yeah, I remember, gee um Kip, I don't know if I feel up to it right now."

"How old are you Finn?"

"Fifteen, why?"

"Fifteen eh, tell me have you ever been with a girl?"

It was a little too personal a question I didn't want to answer and was a bit afraid he'd make fun of me if I did, "What's it to you?"

"Well have you?"

"Have I what?"

"What are you deaf? Been with a GIRL, you know, _bed_ one before?"

"No, and why is it so important that you know anyways?" I knew why he was asking me.

"A virgin, are you? The I know a perfect place for you—" he grinned.

"Yeah I know and I'm not interested."

"Then why did you come to me then?"

"I came to see if you have a baseball bat or something."

He now looked at me strange as if he thought I wanted if for another reason other than playing baseball, "Why do you need one?"

"Miriam, I heard she once played baseball and I want to see if she can still play," I explained.

His face relaxed and he seemed relieved, "Oh, I think there's one in the shed, wait here and I'll go check." He left and returned minutes later with an old wooden bat and a mitt, "We have to be careful when using these, they're nearly antique considering they belonged to your father."

"Who exactly, I sort of don't who my father is," I said bitterly.

"They were Finn's, did your mother tell you that he was a champion ball player?"

"No, she didn't. How good was he? Good enough for those to be worth a fortune?"

"He was no Babe Ruth, but he was good enough to play pro if he wanted to and if he hadn't di—" he stopped himself.

"Died so young," I finished for him.

"Yeah. Are you a good player?"

"I may look like him but I doubt I'm a good player as he was, I mean, I know how to play baseball well, though I've never been on top of any line up."

"Well you're on top of the line up here, that is unless Miriam gets her skills back, because boy was she good in her day, she used to hit balls over this place all the time, clear across."

"Take a break, we could use a catcher," I suggested.

"Was planning to. This I gotta see," he raised his eyebrows.

We went looking for Miriam, checking everywhere in the yard and garden.

"Miriam!" I called

"Miri Lee!"

We found her at the gezebo tying picked flowers from the garden into a crown.

"Am I in trouble?" she aked.

"No," I sat down on the round bench inside catching my breath.

"If you're caught with those flowers you might be. You know you're not supposed to pick them."

I knew Kip would say something about that being that he helped with the garden and she was making more work for him by that.

"You want to play baseball with us?" I asked her waiting for her eyes to light up.

"You mean you'll let me play?"

"Of course, we need a hitter," I winked at Kip.

"Really?" she breathlessly asked, ready to jump up.

Naturally I'd say a sarcastic remark back, but I remember she doesn't understand sarcasm and would mistake it. "Yeah really, right Kip?"

"Sure, but you'll have to change into something you can get dirty."

I look to Kip. "She doesn't have anything to change into. All she has is dresses, dresses, and even more dresses."

"I'm sure she could borrow something of Agatha's."

"Are you kidding me?" I said, remembering how she overeacted to me having her chocolates.

"Aggie doesn't like me taking her things," Miriam said, the light fading out as she put her head down.

"Maybe she could borrow something of mine," I quickly suggested not wanting to let her down.

"I can't wear boy clothes!" she giggled.

"So what if she gets a dress dirty? They're rich, her mother would just buy her a new one. She practically buys her a bunch each week."

Kip looked at me gravely and pulls me aside, "It's more than a dress Finn. I've witnessed too many times what happens when she rips, stains, and tears a dress. Her mother--" he looks away for a minute and shakes his head before he looked back at me, "Any little thing can set that woman off and you know just who she goes to. Look at her. It's summer and there's only one reason why she's wearing a long sleeved dress." He sighes and hands me the mitt and bat, "I have to get back to work. Try thinking twice Finn whenever another idea pops in your head."

I stood there and watched him walk away. I didn't know what to say. I shouldn't be surprised from what I've seen firsthand, yet I was stunned. I turned towards her watching her hum to herself as she so braded the flowers. She was always happy and bubbily, I would never suspect at first sight she was hurt and in pain. I've never knew anyone before who had no hatred in them.

I walked back and sat down next to her. "You want to go inside and play cards?" I asked her.

"What about baseball?"

"Maybe later. Don't tell anyone we were going to play ball okay."

She lifted her head, "Nobody listens to me, they only see me when they don't want to."

I didn't know how to respond.

"Why don't my friends in my pictures come and see me? I sometimes see them at Mommy's parties, but they look at me funny," she said.

It was heartbreaking she didn't know and I couldn't explain the reason to her. "I don't know," was all I could say.

"Promise me you'll always come and see me and won't ever look at me funny."

"I promise you Miriam, I won't ever do that to you, no matter what." Then something came to mind; an idea. "You know those pills you take?"

She nodded, "Mommy says they'll help me."

"It's those pills that drives your friends away makes them look at you strange. We need to get you to off them right away," I told her, gently lifting her head up so I could get her full attention and make sure she wasn't drifting off.

I'm certain now they were why she couldn't learn or concentrate. And I was growing more and more curious what would happen if she went off them...would she start remembering and...would the girl in the pictures come back to life?

"I have to take them, if I don't the nightmares would come."

"If you continue to take the pills, your life will become a nightmare."

"Nightmares only happen in dreams," she argued.

"Wake up Miriam, this is a nightmare, as hard as it for you to realize."

"I don't understand."

"Never mind, but don't worry, you won't be alone, I'll be here with you through the nightmares. Tonight when Gertie gives you your pill pretend to swallow it, but keep it in your mouth until she leaves and spit it out in your napkin," I instructed.

"Isn't that like bad to do?"

"Not really, but you could get in trouble if you get caught. You won't get caught though, I see to it that you won't."

"I don't want to Finny, I'm scared."

"You must, please, for me," I pleaded, "If you do this you'll be able to out smart Aggie," I added thinking she might want to get back at her.

"I can't out smart Aggie."

"Before the accident, you did out smart her, that's why she's mean to you. She jealous of you and loves it that you're like this."

I didn't realize that she couldn't understand jealously and revenge, she just couldn't see the bad in people. She truly believed Aggie did what she did out of love.

"Aggie's not mean, she just doesn't like it when I get in her way and take things from her room. I don't want to out smart her."

I remembered what it was she actually wanted and it wasn't revenge. "But if stop taking the pills and become smart, you could go to school with kids your own age and will never be 'looked at funny' by anyone again, not even your friends in the picture."

She froze and I saw I it home with her. "You promise?" she then said, finally agreeing to do it.

"I swear on my life," I corrected.

0o0o0

I was nervous the rest of the day but also excited to see what would happen tomorrow. I could barely keep it together at dinner waiting for Gertie to come with her pill.

"Remember Miriam, just like we discussed, okay," I said to her.

"What did you two discuss?" Aggie suddenly appeared. She sat down next to Miriam, across from me.

I tensed in fear not knowing if the plan would work with her there and next to her.

"I thought you always eat dinner alone in your room?" I muttered.

"I don't always, but the sight of you ruins my appetite."

"Then why are you here?"

I was hoping it wasn't an event and Lydia would show up too, or worse, with Henry. From what I heard she was out again and Henry was staying at his apartment in the city (which according to Kip was code for "being with his mistress").

"I just felt like it, I also want to see what the two of you been up to. You both have been rather close the past week, inseparable almost."

"What's wrong with that other than that perverted mind of your thinks?"

"I never said there was anything wrong, at least not yet. And my mind isn't anymore perverted than yours."

"What does perverted mean?" Miriam asked feeling left out.

"I think you should answer that," Agatha grinned.

"What do you do up there all day alone in your room?" I changed the subject.

"Nothing that concerns you."

"Seriously, I never see you out, when was the last time you were outside?"

"I go outside when necessary, but unlike you I'm not into sport or any other mindless activity of the body."

"It's unhealthy to always be indoors and playing sports requires as much brain activity as arithmetic, if you were smart you'd know that," I shot.

"If that's so then why are all the athletes I meet dumb?"

"What athletes have you met? You never go out?"

"My parents have many parties and many different people arrive at each one."

"But you had to have gone out of your room to meet them," I teased.

"I did, and years back I remember meeting a ball player. Everyone called him a legend and treated him like a god and meeting him I saw that he was nothing but an abnoxious fat drunk. He made me sick. I can't see why athletes like him make five times as much as brilliant scholars and hundred times more than the working class who work themselves to death."

"That was only one athlete, it's unfair to say he represents all."

"It's fair, and if it concerns athletes so much what I and every other smart person thinks then they should clean up their act and help their teammates do the same. I swear it's like they never heard of dignity."

Gertie then walked in and my heart stopped. I have to make this argument go on, get her really heated to notice Miriam.

"Why should they care about dignity, just as long as they're great ball players, nothing else matters," I said knowing that would do the trick.

"Why should they care?! They're a disgrace to humanity!" she went on and on as I pretended to listen and watch Gertie give Miriam the pill and glass of water. As soon as Gertie left, I waited fearfully and listened for the cough.

"I asked you a question," Agatha waved her hand in my face.

I brought my attention to her, "You did," I nodded not knowing what she asked and not caring.

"And?"

Then finally Miriam brought her hand up and coughed, grabbing her napkin. I smiled in relief.

"And you're right," I said to Agatha, now in good mood and letting her win…Except it wasn't that easy.

"You didn't hear what I said," she accused.

"Yeah I did, very insightful, you changed my views," I lied.

"I asked you what you're mother would rather care for, a home run or straight A's?"

Why did she have to bring up my mother to me and ruin the moment?

"Straight A's," I answered solemnly.

She noticed, "I'm sorry, I forgot about your mother. I didn't mean to--I have to go," she got up and dashed out before I could stop her.

Was Agatha human after all? It was hard to tell, hard to forget her cruelty towards Miriam that could not be justified. She said she hated me, more like claimed it, but I couldn't help but notice the way she said it that night, like an actor overacting lines. If Agatha really hated me she wouldn't be concerned about hurting me and especially not embarrassed about it. I had to wonder, was she up in her room because she was anti-social…or there to avoid me?

* * *

**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews! I know, this is very late, sorry I went hiatus on this for so long(nearly a year, I feel terrible).**


	8. Chapter 8

Everything was a mystery here, a scandal, even myself. The only one here I could trust was Miriam, for her childlike innocence that didn't know betrayal or hatred. It took awhile of getting her to not take her medication, for me to see any difference, days and nothing, weeks and still nothing. At first I almost gave up and thought that her state was permanent. And that thought that she would always be the way she was forever was too horrible to accept. Imagining her at sixty dressed the same way and doing the same routine made me cringe.

Everyday we grew closer and I was starting to love her like a little sister. And that made it harder for me. I had to find a way to get her life back. She didn't deserves to live her life like this.

But it was then I heard her gasping cry of terror in the night. I quickly got to her before anyone could hear her; I was afraid that if they heard they would immediately know.

I gently shook her, "Miriam, it's just a nightmare, it's alright. I'm here," I soothed to her at her side, undoing the straps.

She woke up slowly and saw me, "The monster was back and got me this time," she cried.

"The same monster?" I asked reaching over to under the straps on the other side. But to my surprise as I undid then, she got her arms free grabbed me in a tight hug.

"Stay with me, please Finny," she pleaded.

This was wrong, I was on top of her as she had her arms around me. I didn't have a shirt on and I could feel her breasts being pushed against me through her thin nightgown. I tried repeating the Gettysburg address in my head to stop the ache in my loins.

"I don't think I can Miriam," I said hoarsely as I pulled away from her grip, "Sorry."

"Why can't you? I don't want to sleep alone."

"Boys can't sleep with girls they're not married to," I tried my best to explain.

"Why?" she whined.

"Because, it's just the way it is. But I'll stay till you're asleep."

"Are you married?" she asked.

"Heavens no."

She smiled, "We can marry then, and then I won't have to be alone."

"It's not that simple."

She looked down, "Oh, I forgot, we have to have rings."

"Rings," I repeated, not wanting to go into all the details with her on how stepsiblings can't marry each other.

"Finn, what do married couples do?"

I had to remember that she was innocent and didn't know and wasn't referring to what I feared explaining.

"Live together in their own house and have babies," I answered thinking of the depiction of married life in the magazine ads.

"I want a baby."

I nearly jumped when she said that, "A baby or a doll?" I stupidly asked.

"Dolls are lifeless. How does one get a baby and why do they have to be married to have one?"

I wasn't going to answer her; how could I? I would be killed if I explained it to her and she were to blurt it out to Agatha.

"I don't know," I shrugged.

"You do too, Henry says all boys and men know and that girls aren't suppose to know till their wedding night. Why is that? Why do I have to wait till my wedding night? I want to know now! I hate not knowing anything! I hate it!" she suddenly cried in anger, not sounding like a little girl, but a girl coming of age and struggling to break free from innocence.

"Shh…quiet down, they'll hear you," I nervously tried to calm her down.

"I'm not stupid," she continued, "I know what I am and what I'm not. I see those pictures and notice that there's something wrong. I feel like one of my dolls. Every day I look and dress the same way, and trapped within a dollhouse forced to do the same thing I did the day before."

She sat up and looked around her surrounding before looking back at me, "What's happening to me Finn?" she asked, "Why suddenly are things not as they were before?"

"What's happening is the girl you see in the pictures is coming back to you."

"I want her back. I don't want to forever be this---this stupid little girl that everyone mocks and adores. I want to be that girl in the pictures again, I want to dress my age, I want my friends back, I want to go back to school, I want to go out to dances, and I want to see David again."

"Promise me to keep acting like the way you were, like nothing has changed, and don't mention any of this to anyone---," I strongly advised to her before realizing something she said, "David? Who's David?" She couldn't be talking about…what was going on?

"You can't be jealous, I can't be with just you, you know."

This was too much progression for a few skipped dosages. This was just too good to be true or even believable.

"Miriam, do you remember your father?" I asked knowing she didn't remember him.

"Of course I do, how could I not? And why the questions? For someone who only exists in my dreams of madness, you're very serious. Like you're on a mission."

"Miriam, do you---" I couldn't make what she getting at here. "Dreams of madness?"

"You're so much better looking in person than hanging on a wall," she laughed, "I never knew my imagination was this good."

"I'm real and you didn't answer my question."

"Oh wait, are you a ghost then? I'm seeing dead people now?"

What the hell was going on!

"Do you think this all a dream?"

"Of course, I'll wake up from this nightmare soon," she said confidently.

"What if you don't? What if this is your new reality?"

"I'll rip down the yellow wallpaper," she smiled, telling me she was indeed the real Miriam when she both cleverly and yet ironically referenced a famous short story I had read in last semester's English class.

"Say something to me in French," I said.

"Lie down besides me Finn," she sighed breathlessly.

"I can't."

"How can you not? You're part of my fantasy."

"What if I'm not?"

She sat up realizing something, "You would have kissed me by now if you were…No! I'm going crazy, there's NO way you could be real."

She took me by surprise when she suddenly grabbed hold of my neck and kissed me with a kiss that also had me questioning this reality. This wasn't a kiss from a young girl, this was a kiss from a girl with experience who knew what she was doing better than I. She kissed with such a fierceness and passion it sent a rush of excitement and fear. If I were Josh, I would have let this go on to wherever it may lead me, but I wasn't and letting it go on would be taking advantage of her. It took all my strength to break away from her.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I back away.

She looked at me with anger, "There's nothing wrong with me! If anyone in this family has problems it's Agatha! She's the one doing it! She's the reason I am what I am!"

"What are you talking about?"

She closed her eyes and covered her ears, "Go away! You're not real! I'm going to open my eyes and you're not going to be there!"

"So is that what you do each day, pretend to be a little girl?" I asked wondering what is real and what could be an act.

"Go!"

"I'll see you in the morning," I fired back leaving.

I went back to my room and shut the door and leaned back against it, too puzzled by what just happened and wondering if it did. I looked up to my bed, the moonlight through the window revealing an object on my bed. I got up and saw what I been looking for, for the past weeks…Miriam's Diary. I immediately clicked the light switch on and opened it. I then noticed something I didn't see before; pages were ripped out every other page. I picked up where I had left off.

_Something is happening, the same something that was happening before my father was killed, something strange. The other day I passed out and woke two days later…but I didn't wake up in my bed, I woke up in the garden. That hasn't happened for a long time, why is it happening again and now?_

_I think Agatha is behind this. She's so weird, I just don't get her. She wrote in my diary, horrid things. She has this sick obsession with some boy named Finn._

I dropped the diary seeing my name written. She can't mean me. No, that was impossible.

_I don't get it. I think this Finn must be a boy at school, figures. Everybody hates her there and taunt her all the time. I would stick up for her, but I can't. I hate to say it but the stuck up brownnoser kind of deserves it. She's just like her father, Daddy's little vicious princess._

_It's easy to believe that she would go as far as to move my body out of my bed to convince me I was sleepwalking._

I turn the page to see more pages ripped out. I read on past them.

_What is wrong with her?! She did it again, another horrible passage. Turns out this Finn kid isn't from school but is so called her long lost brother. She's delusional and now even worse she's letting out her anger on Finn on me but sabotaging my new pageant dress while I was sleeping and blaming it on me. The little brat actually did me a favor and of course no one believed her but Henry. So I got punished and she got sympathy._

Yet again there were more pages ripped out. Why would Agatha write in her diary? It didn't make sense.

_How does she keep finding my dairy? I finally confronted her about and she denied it. No surprise there. She always has to make herself the innocent victim, blaming me for everything, but on page it's a different story. On page she's this madwoman out to get revenge on some boy who apparently is favored over her. She's insane._

_I can't help but wonder why she does this. I know she's jealous of me and mad that I can easily fit in and she can't. And Henry gets mad and accuses me of turning the school against her. Sure, when I got here she may wasn't hated by all, she was invisible. I admit she was different when I first met her, normal almost. She was nice to me and eager to have me as a sister but that faded. It had to be an act because there's no reason to the change. _

I stop reading when I notice a shadow over me emerging from the doorway. I turn to see Agatha standing there as still as stone, face disorientated.

"What have you done?" she asked.

"You tell me," I closed the diary...

_To be continued..._

* * *

**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews, so sorry for keeping you all in suspense for a long time. Hope you all like this chapter, even though it brings more questions than answers.**

**Jules **


	9. Chapter 9

"You found the diary?" Agatha walked in slowly.

"Yes I found _the diary_," I repeated.

"From the look of your face, you believe it. Of course," she looked down, "It would be easy to believe someone like me to—"

"Did you mean all those things you wrote?"

She smiled, "Yes, I did. I'm very dangerous. If I were you, I'd run, far away, before it's too late," she warned.

"Why do you hate me?" I asked.

"Because she chose you."

"What do you mean, chose me?"

"Tell me Finn, how did you get her to not take her pills?"

"Trust, something you know nothing of," I spat.

She bitterly laughed to herself, "You're right, I know nothing when it comes to trust. Everyone I trust stabs me in the back one way or another. Maybe if I were beautiful...So what happened when you visited her, was she a little girl or…someone else?"

"What is wrong with her? What did you do to her?"

She continued to snicker, "What did _I_ do to her? Well I tell you this much, if you don't run away, I'll do the same to you."

"Answer me," I interrupted her firmly.

"You'll find out the _truth_ soon enough."

"I want to know now. Why did she change so suddenly? I thought she had memory loss?"

"Brian damage, there's a difference, the medication keeps her from…" she stopped.

"From what? She didn't seem brain damaged to me, in fact she cited literature."

"From being hysterical from trauma and remorse. She and her boyfriend were trying to run away, there was a car accident. It killed her boyfriend and put her in a coma. She woke up five days later screaming in agony demanding to see him, when she learned of his death she tried hanging herself and it almost worked but they found her in time, to revive her but oxygen was deprived from her brain long enough to lightly damage it also causing _temporary_ memory loss. So my mother decided it way best to leave her that way, simple minded and confused, and keep her from knowing the truth. The pill I guess puts her in LaLa land. So that pretty much sums up what_ I_ did to her."

I didn't buy the story one bit. So the boyfriend was dead after all. But I don't for a minute believe his death was an accident.

"That doesn't explain what the straps are for," I replied.

"To keep her from killing herself if for some _reason_ she were to be not medicated enough to regain some memory of that event," she stated empathizing me as the reason.

"She can't be kept like that forever."

"Tell that to my mother."

"So why are you mean to Miriam, enjoying strapping her and ridiculing her?"

"I don't know, maybe it's because I'm _ugly_," she shrugged.

"You're not ugly, just sick and twisted," I answer, making it clear what I felt for her had nothing to do with looks.

She looked at me, surprised at my answer, her features softened. It was as if she wanted to cry.

"Yes I am sick and twisted, and you should save your self and run," suddenly she paused, "Please," she said in a tone of someone who cared too much rather than someone who wanted me dead.

She ran off back to her room and closed the door. I couldn't help but suspect her to putting up an act; having a façade. What she said seemed memorized and how she said it was overacted as if she were in a Shakespearian production of Macbeth.

And strangely after, after all that happened, all I dwelled on was the kiss between Miriam and me. It wasn't like it was my first kiss, I mean, I've kissed many girls before, it was just that this time it was…different…somehow. It was wrong and I should have felt guilt for it, yet I didn't, instead I felt…elation.

The next day everything was the way it was again with Agatha was away hiding in her room and Miriam back to her usual little girl self. The girl I met that night gone. But Miriam remembered some of that night for a breakfast she surprised me with a man's ring.

"Wow, Miriam, thank you," I said hoping it was just a gift and not a misunderstanding of marriage, "Where did you get this?" It was a gold school ring with a ruby stone and the year 1920 written on it.

"Another thing I found, see I have one too, 'cept mine is silver. But see, we're married now," she beamed.

Oh no. How was I going to get out of this without anyone finding out and without me hurting her feelings?

"You didn't tell anyone did you?" I asked afraid of the answer.

"I told mommy," she said casually.

I nearly drop my glass, "You told her?" I repeat.

I soon got my answer when Lydia came to greet us in a cheerful and bustling way.

"You two just look adorable together!" she exclaimed grabbing my chin with her hand as if I was little child, "I think it's precious you two wanting to be a married couple; it's simply darling!" she let go and moved on to tousle my hair, "When I heard of this I just had to call up and arrange for a portrait of my two little darlings together looking like a storybook prince and princess. I was able to get an appointment today and he'll be here at one. So hurry up and eat, we only have hours to get ready!"

I was speechless. Out of everyone in this hell house, she was the most insane. I already knew I was her new pet from the moment I arrived, but I didn't expect it to get any worse. I didn't know how it could till now.

I went upstairs in my room to find a navy blue sailor outfit was laid out on my bed. Not an old sailor uniform, but a sailor outfit a little prissy boy would wear.

Would she starve me if I refused to wear it? Most likely. But then I thought of Henry and how she'd bring him into it and didn't want to get into what would be in store for me then. He hasn't beaten me since the train and I didn't want to break that long streak.

It took me forever to bring myself to put it on. If she makes me wear this everyday I swear I'll…I'll what? Run away? I couldn't do that; I couldn't leave Miriam.

I felt a presence behind me and I turned expecting to see Miriam but instead I saw Lydia.

"I knew it would be perfect for you! Navy blue was always you color, it makes your hair look like gold. When you were a baby I would only have you that color, I made it a rule almost," she exclaimed. She then went back to touching my hair, "We need to do something about your hair," she said before leaving.

I didn't hear her come, I thought immensely disturbed wondering how many times she snuck in without me realizing.

She came back with a comb and jar of some hair product, "I can't seem to find my scissors. Sit down," she ordered.

I sat on the bed and let her do what she pleased with my hair. She combed it back after applying the product in. When she was finished she lifted my chin up to admire her work.

I stayed silent and still as much as I wanted to mess my hair up and wash out the stiffness in my hair.

"From now own, when you have dinner with us, I want you hair exactly like this."

I wanted to protest but I couldn't, I just nodded obediently reminding myself how it wasn't worth rebelling over. I should be thankful she didn't include the outfit as a requirement as well…then again the day was still young.

**0o0o0**

Miriam and I were ordered to sit on the red velvet couch in the parlor until the portrait artist arrived. Miriam looked even more like a doll with her hair curled in tight ringlets pushed back by a black satin headband and she was wearing a blue lacy dress. She looked like Alice in Wonderland while I looked like some sissy mock of a sailor. Some portrait this would make.

"Your hair looks funny," Miriam told me for the fifth time.

"I know, you don't have to remind me."

She took my hand, "Why aren't you wearing your ring? You don't love me anymore?"

"I don't want to lose it," I lied and avoided answering the second question, still confused by the kiss last night.

"When can we have a baby?" she suddenly asked.

I pulled my hand away from hers in panic. Not again. How am I going to explain it to her? In a way she can understand and without hurting her?

I was open-mouthed and looking for something to say, and then in came Lydia with the professional artist to save me from answering her.

"Here they are Pierre!" she exclaimed to him.

He was a short bald man with shaded glasses wearing a velvet suit that coincidentally matched the couch. His mouth dropped open at the sight of me as his assistant trailed in with his tool kits of supplies, tripod, and canvas quietly and nervously setting it up.

"Finn?" he said recognizing me, "My god he looks just like---this is eerie, it's like I stepped through time. How can this be? Finn was too young to father a ----"

"He's my, the one who was taken from me,_ Henry'_s son," Lydia interrupted.

"Yes I know," He looked back to me, "My condolences to you for your loss, you mother was rather exquisite girl, her face still haunts me to this day."

"You knew her?" I asked.

"Yes, I did a portrait of her."

"And of me," Lydia added nervously.

"And the one of Finn?" I ignored her.

"Ah yes, Finn too, I hope you won't be as hard to capture as he. So Lydia my deer, how do you want these two?"

I then saw Agatha in the far distance across the grand entrance hall carrying numerous pairs of scissors and dropping them in the large vase.

"What about Agatha?" I asked, "Isn't she going to be in this portrait too? She's your daughter too."

"She doesn't have a face for portraits and would look out of place," she answered.

No matter what Agatha was, I could see why she was what she was. I could what could drive her to act out against Miriam and myself.

"Now Pierre I think I want them side by side, I'll leave the rest to you to figure out, I'll be back in three hours to see your progress."

"Three hours!" I repeated in protest.

"If you're lucky my boy," Pierre laughed, "I'll do my best as always Lydia," he said to her before she left.

"I have to sit here for three hours?" I said after.

"There will be breaks in between, naturally. Miriam, you're awfully quiet today."

"Why can't you take a picture?" She replied.

"A picture isn't the same and doesn't get enough vital details as a painting has."

While he explained, she leaned against me, her head resting on my shoulder.

"Hold that position!" He suddenly shouted, "That's wonderful! That the position I want. Hold still and don't move."

He frantically began mixing colors and slapping the canvas with the paintbrush.

"Your eyes," he said looking back at me, "has anyone ever told you, you have her eyes?"

"No, I thought I had his eyes."

"His eyes were blue. But her eyes…there were something about her eyes. Out of everyone I ever painted, she was one I remember most, the one who was challenging and most exciting. I painted her just months after her forced marriage to your father. I could tell she was miserable and I could see she clung to Finn for some warmth. She hated Henry, which was clear as day. I thought she'd be broken, but her eyes showed such a fiery spirit with such determination to keep her self confidence. Her portrait revealed a bird in a gilded cage not allowing its wings to be clipped."

"Where is this portrait?"

"I don't know. They took it down after she ran. I wouldn't be surprised if Lydia burnt it."

"Do you think my mother had an affair with Finn?" I pressed on.

"Anybody would. Finn…he was one of a kind, charismatic might be the word, and was such a looker, no woman could resist him. He was also a mischievous party boy; he could brighten any dull room and turn it into a ball. I think the only thing he took seriously was your mother."

**0o0o0**

The next day I awoke to find everyone making way for a party tearing everything apart and rearranging furniture. I had no idea of the event being held, only that me and Agatha were to be down, dressed and ready, by six while Miriam had to stay in room and be watched by Gertie.

Gertie came up with new navy blue slacks and sports jacket, red and blue diagonally striped tie, and light blue collard shirt. I was relieved it wasn't that god awful sailor outfit. I put the clothes on and brushed back my hair like_ she_ wanted.

I heard from Kip there would be kids my age there, most of whom were Miriam's old friends. I was looking forward to meeting them, knowing they would have some answers for me. Most of all, I was just looking forward to being around people my age again.

Miriam hated that she had to stay in her room and feeling bad I promised her to sneak her up some of the deserts and appetizers. Just like a doll, no one wanted to be seen in public with her in fear of embarrassment.

I was down at six as ordered and there at the bottom of the hallway was Agatha. She looked different. Her hair was down and not tightly pulled back, and she was wearing a simple knee length black dress that bared her neck, shoulder and collarbone, wearing a cashmere red button down sweater over it.

"You look nice," I complimented to her.

"And you look like yourself," she said obviously not wanting to be here and wanting to be back up in her room.

"You're actually right. This suit is a lot like my school uniform."

"What academy did you go to?" she asked.

"Winchester, you probably haven't heard of it."

"It sounds familiar. Was it boarding or day school?"

"Day school," I answered her.

"I went to the Wallace Academy for girls, it was a boarding school conjoined with Prescott Boys Academy in the city," she told me looking down her face revealing her remembering something painful.

"Why did you leave?"

"It wasn't the right environment for me. The students there are rigid, you have to be their people, you have to look a certain way, and I just didn't belong. You'd belong, they'd love you. I bet you tonight when you meet some of them they'll accept you on the spot as if they've known you for years."

"Why is that? I thought _boy like me_ wouldn't measure up," I asked coyly remembering her prejudice against me.

"Because you have the face and name of a legendary classmate, whose rebellious antics are still looked up to and talked about and who lead the baseball team to championship five times in a row. You're the _golden boy_," she said bitterly.

"So Finn was that good? Interesting. That sure is a lot to live up to."

I rather liked this new information. The more I learned about thee Finn, the more I wished he was indeed my father. Though the more I learned of him, the more I could see why my mother would lie and claim he was my father. She was in love with him, not Henry. I wonder if she actually had an affair with him or just a secret crush on him. She did once tell me it was a miracle that I looked exactly like him.

Henry soon came from the city and wanted to see if I was dressed appropriately and warned me that if I embarrass him, I'll be sorry. He never says what he'd do in his threats, just the results. Nevertheless it was effective as his silent death glare.

The guests began arriving, senators, lawyers, successful business owners, renowned doctors, and their "well bred" families. They all knew who I was; some even were in the same class alumni as Finn.

I noticed they all said nothing to Agatha, not one looking her way or acknowledging her presence. Which made me wonder why Henry wanted her there, was this some sort of punishment for her?

Like Agatha said, there were seven kids there my age, and all from Wallace and Prescott, four girls who I recognized from Miriam's pictures, and three boys. They all approached me and took me outside.

"We are so sorry," one of them said. She was a blonde girl with short hair and petite stature named Cecelia. She was obviously the ring leader of the bunch.

"Why?" I asked wondering if they knew.

"We're sorry you're stuck living here with Agatha and her crazy mother," she groaned at the thought.

They all had a million questions for me to how I winded up here, what I have being doing these past years, and how I'm treated here.

I explained the best I could that I have been living in California with my mother and how her…leaving brought me here.

They listened in amazement, each seeing California as a place of beaches, glamour, and Hollywood. I didn't tell the full truth of _how_ I really lived in California, away from all that.

"I always wanted to go to California, I'm so sick of all those resorts we go to in Florida," Katie, a freckled covered red head with a thick southern accent.

"You're going to attend Prescott in the fall, right?" Brad, Katie's brother, said taking me by surprise because I had no idea if I was.

"I can't see why not," I shrugged.

"Hopefully Agatha won't find a way to stop you from going," Cecelia then said bringing the topic back to her.

Here was my chance.

"And how would she do that?"

"You really don't know?" she said slyly, everyone looking at each other with knowing glances. "You've seen Miriam?"

"Yes."

"And do you know today, on this very day, it was exactly year ago, at a party exactly like this, she became the way she was and at the hands of Agatha?"

"I thought she became what she was by a suicide attempt after her boyfriend died," I continued.

They all laughed in hysterics confirming that the story of Agatha's was false after all.

"Who told you that? Agatha? Oh Finn, you have a lot to learn or else you'd wind up like poor Miriam. You know she was just like you before. Before she was the new girl, she too had a lot going for her… a lot to be jealous of. Little Agatha couldn't take it that her older sister was more liked, smarter, and prettier than she, so she tried running her over with her Daddy's car."

I was stunned. It fit perfectly to Miriam's description of her nightmares. But then there was something that didn't make sense…

"Was before or after David's death?" I then asked.

"A month after," Brad answered.

Maybe part of Agatha's story was true because Miriam that night didn't recall David being dead.

Even with all the evidence before me proving Agatha guilty, I just couldn't buy it. She lied to me yes, but she still took the fault. People lie to make themselves victims; she lied yet not to make her look innocent. Why would she twist the story?

She had to be covering up for someone. Saying she did this all was giving her too much credit. She was just a young girl, a child! There was no way she could purposely do all that damage.

I couldn't call her innocent, not after witnessing the way she treated Miriam with such hatred and cruelty. But I couldn't call her guilty either, not after seeing a hurting soul inside her and knowing it was people like me and Miriam that caused the pain. People like us who were easily accepted and not misjudged negatively. And maybe Agatha was giving Miriam the same treatment that she bestowed on her at school.

Yet the missing diary entrees, did they exist? And if they did, did she write them like past Miriam claimed? Then again, who else would have written it? Certainly not Miriam—no! Agatha's the only…

But after that night of seeing Miriam in a different light, she was susceptible to being a victim as Agatha was.

I was outside wandering around the gardens, trying to figure it out, when I heard my name being called out.

"What did I tell you?" I heard Agatha say from behind me.

I turn around, I didn't see her coming, "What? That you made Miriam the way she is now?"

She smiled sarcastically amused, "I see the herd of sheep told you. I wasn't referring to that, but the fact that they loved you on the spot."

"And how does that make you feel Agatha?" I sincerely asked.

She returned my question with a sardonic smile, "Don't worry, you'd have to do a whole lot more than making friends with them to get me to hit you with a car, if that's what you're concerned about."

"So you're not dangerous after all?" I said wryly.

"Oh, no! I very dangerous, so dangerous, that I got my father to enroll you at Prescott to get you out of my wrath."

"You what?!"

I was shocked, why would she do that?

"You should probably get packed, Prescott's school year starts in a week."

"I can't leave Miriam," I stated as much I wanted to go.

"No Finn, you must leave Miriam," she said with such seriousness and conviction, not rehearsed at all but a warning from heart…

And just at that moment I looked up to see Miriam standing in the window, glowing in the moonlight, looking at me in a way I never saw before. Stone cold and malice, the expression on her face reminded me of someone who had looked at me in the exact same way…Henry.

Maybe I shouldn't be asking about what happened to Miriam, but instead about what happened to David…

Maybe, just maybe, Agatha wasn't covering up for anyone with her evident acts and shameless confessions…maybe she was protecting me, herself knowing every fatal secret hidden within the gates of Cromwell…

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** A/N: Be sure to check my profile to a link the site that has the newly made original stepback cover.**

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	10. Chapter 10

I awoke to see Miriam sitting at the edge of bed, looking down at me, the moonlight shining on her hair, with one side pinned back by a glittering diamond butterfly clip. She was breathtaking, glowing and sparkling as if some movie starlet straight out of the screen.

"I'm not stupid, you know," she said, in a tone unlike her little girl one.

"It is an act," I proclaimed.

"Everything here is. It's the only way to survive this place, to survive Henry and Agatha. They like me like this, I know they all don't want me to change, especially Agatha. Now Finny, enlighten me on what it is I'll learn about on my wedding night, I'm old enough to know," she then kissed me and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me to her, "show me how you know, show me what Agatha says you can't keep in," she seductively pursued, unbuttoning her nightgown, "As you can see I'm not a little girl."

My eyes bolted open as I suddenly was awake, out of breath, and all sweaty. It was a dream. I then automatically felt guilty, because it wasn't just _a dream_, but one of _those__ dreams_ and it was about my innocent stepsister. It was wrong to think that way about her, not that I dared to.

Light shone through the curtains telling me it wasn't the middle of the night but morning. Oh god! I froze in panic when I heard her calling my name and heading to my room. I was immobile not knowing what to do and in such short time. In a jolt I wrap the covers tighter around me.

She came running in, all hyper, as she usually was.

"Finny! Finny!" she jump on my bed, "It is true!"

"Is what true," I said, my heart beating in fear from her closeness.

"Agatha said you're leaving to go to school!"

"That, yeah, I kind of am going, but it'll only be for awhile."

"No! Please don't go! You can't go!" she suddenly started crying on my shoulder and hugging me, "Who'll play with me when you're gone?"

"I'll be back before you know it," I said trying desperately not to get reminded of that dream. She wasn't dressed yet and was still in her thin nightgown and I didn't have shirt on again, making it impossible. It was the summer and the blankets were thin and not thick enough to hide everything. I push her away, nervous she would notice and…I didn't even want to imagine it and think of how mortifying it would be explaining it to her. "Listen Miriam, I really need you to leave me alone for moment. Do you know what privacy is? I kind of need that right now," I pleaded, hoping her leaving my room wouldn't be a lost cause, or something she'd take offense at, or worse, question.

"Why?"

I sighed, "It's a bit complicated okay," I said while trying to unnoticeably grab a pillow and pull it towards me, "I just really need to be alone, now. Please Miriam, just go."

"Why are you red?" she asked touching my face.

I jumped back at her touch, "I just am and I need you to leave, please," I pleaded, biting my lip and trying to keep it together.

"Are you sick?" she scooted forward, "you look like you're in pain."

I backed further, "I'm fine! Don't touch me. Just go!"

"Miriam!" I suddenly hear, Agatha. I slightly turn and see her standing at the doorway, "It's not polite to go barging into someone's room this early in the morning. Especially his room and in your nightgown! You know you're not allowed to be in Finn's room."

"He's my friend."

"I don't care, it's wrong either way. Now you better march yourself out before you-know-who sees you and gives you the belt. Now! Go!" she ordered.

Miriam reluctantly got up and walked out silently and hurt. Agatha stood there and watched her leave.

When she was gone, Agatha looked to me, "And that is why you must leave Miriam," she smirked, obviously knowing why I was covering myself with a pillow and looking agitated.

"Do you think it's all an act?" I suddenly asked.

"What is?"

"Miriam."

"There's only one actor in this family who constantly plays a part that isn't who he or she is, it's up to you to decide. For now just worry about school, and in future when you're staying here, pay close attention to the name Miriam refers herself as, now it may be Miri Lee, but when you return it might be another name. Always remember the name Meredith, Finn, never forget it."

"What?" I said confused.

"You better tend to that, before mother is the next one to burst in, and you don't want to know what would happen if she were to see that her sweet little boy isn't so sweet and little anymore," she said shutting the door.

I sat back and breathed. What kind of answer was that? Meredith? Yet another mysterious person I didn't know about. Was she a victim or another person I should fear? And why would Miriam refer to herself with that name?

At the moment, I needed to worry about hiding from my stepmother the evidence that I was a teenage boy with raging hormones, and not a precious child, before she walked in at any minute.

This was a nightmare, but at least it was one that didn't venture into anything worse. Thank god Miriam didn't notice. If wasn't for Agatha saving me, it would have been both a mortifying and horrific catastrophe.

There was a knock at my door before it opened a small crack and clean sheets were thrown in, and closing the door.

It was evident now, who the actor in the family really was…my protector who lurks in the shadows and hides behind a role…but why the act I had yet to find out.

Later that day I found Miriam after an hour of looking for her. I figured she had to been hurt by me kicking her out and Agatha yelling at her. She was hiding in a closet in one of the unoccupied guestrooms.

"I'm not allowed in this room either?" she asked.

"Not that I know of," I said sitting down next to her, "Look, I'm sorry about this morning, but you have to understand, there's boundaries you must respect. You can't just barge in someone's bedroom early in the morning before they woken up."

"You went into my room in the middle of the night, while I was still asleep."

I looked away, surprised at her smart observation, "True, but that was… _different_."

"How so? And didn't you say married people can share rooms together?"

I took the ring off and put it in her hand, "We're not married. No more pretend. It's not cute anymore."

She pulled away for a second then turned back to me. Her blue eyes centered on me, hurt and wanting to make feel guilty in everyway, "You lied, you're just like the rest of them. Only Meredith understands! She was right about you. First you, push me away, now you mock me like they all do, and soon you'll be gone, leaving me alone. I'm not cute! I'm never cute! Only little girl's are cute, and I'm not one of them!" in desperate frustration she tried her best attempt to kiss me on the lips, jamming her nose into mine. It was literally like a little girl trying to mimic the fairytale kiss she had seen in storybooks. I purposely fell back and push her away.

She collapsed and covered her face, crying from knowing she got it wrong and made herself lookout to be the little girl she denied being.

I sat up, not knowing what to say or do.

"I thought I was like Rupunzel, and when you came, it was like you were my prince, and that maybe like the story we'd marry and I'd have twins and…" she sobbed.

"I'm sorry, but it doesn't work that way, and you knew the truth, being who I am to you, that it could never happen. I love you, just not in that way. That's the reality. I'd love to stay with you and play all day, but I have to leave and go off to school. And it has nothing to do with me not liking you anymore. It's what I have to do."

"You do that, while I'll stay here a little girl forever waiting to go off and grow up. Maybe you're last name is Darling after all, maybe you'll grow like Wendy as I'll stay the same like Peter, and you'll see me less and less through the years."

"And what about Meredith?" I'd ask who, but I sensed she didn't want me to know.

"She's just someone who talks to me, talks to me like a grown up. She's now my only hope out of here. She can make me grow up…that is if I let her."

"Do I know this Meredith? Have I met her?" I played along.

"No, not yet, but soon you will…"

"Can others see her as well?" I was beginning to suspect Meredith was just an imaginary friend, but oh how wrong I was…

"It's impossible not to see Meredith, dangerous even. You have to, or else she'll either get mad or…"

"Or what?"

"Do something mean while you're not looking. You always have to keep your eye on Meredith. Always."

"Why? Just where is this Meredith?"

"Shh! She'll here you. I can't tell you, I promised her I wouldn't. She'll get mad if I tattled on her."

"Let her get mad. Tell me."

"No, because if I did I'd only be proving you and everyone right, that I am a little girl who can't do anything, not even keep a secret. NO! She's my friend and I'm not telling!" She got up and ran off.

_Meredith_, the name haunted me. Who is she and how could I have not met her yet? And why was she a threat?

Later on while in my room at sunset, something shined in my eyes, blinding me. I walked to it slowly, and couldn't believe my eyes when the object became apparent.

NO! It couldn't be! I backed up in disbelief and utter shock. HOW?!

There on the floor by my bed was a diamond barrette…the same diamond barrette worn by…

I collapsed on the window seat. _There's only one actor in this family who constantly plays a part that isn't who he or she is…_Agatha's words repeated in my head. _Always remember the name Meredith, Finn, never forget it._

I immediately walked out and went to Miriam's room. The door was shut and locked. Just when I was about to bang on the door I heard voiced talking, Miriam's and someone else's.

"I can't! Finny's my friend!" Miriam cried.

"He's a boy Miri Lee. A disgusting boy who only wants one thing from you. Remember what I explained to you."

Was that Agatha or…_Meredith_?

"I think you're a mean liar. He would never do something that disgusting, I know, for this morning I got in bed with him, like you told me to do, and he didn't touch me, not once. I was even indecent, almost naked in just my thin nightie, and he was barely dressed too."

So she did know what she was doing to me…

"The act never gets performed in the morning you fool, and especially not in broad daylight where he could be easily caught. I told you to go to his bed after midnight."

"I don't believe you."

"Well little Miri Lee, it's the only thing that'll make you a woman...and being that you want a baby so bad, you should try it."

"How would that give me a baby?"

"See for yourself. You don't have much time."

"He'll never, I'm only a little girl to him."

"Well show him that you're not. Make it impossible for him to refuse you. I already told you how. Tonight I'll take the straps off for you."

"Why would you do this when you hate him?"

"Don't you mind my intentions. It's something you'll never understand, just like how you'll never understand the amount of pain he caused me, all those years trying to figure out what was so special about him…why he was the one _she_ picked."

Agatha! I covered my mouth. It was Agatha in the room with her. That manipulative snake! I could tell what her plot would be, have Miriam come to my bed, exposed maybe, and then that is where Agatha would wake Henry and arrange for him to walk in on what would look like me seducing Miriam.

"Finn, what are you doing standing by Miriam's door like that?"

I turned my head to see Agatha standing in the hall looking at me skeptically.

"I don't understand," I said, so confused, I thought she was in the room with Miriam…

"What else is new?" she smirked walking past me to her room, "You should be busy packing for school. I told you, just forget about Miriam for now."

"Agatha," I suddenly said before she went in to lock herself away again.

"Yes?"

"Could you do me a favor?"

"What kind?"

"Tonight could you please keep on eye on Miriam and make sure she doesn't sneak in to my room in the middle of the night?"

She froze in stance looking at me in dead seriousness, "Has she been doing this often? Tell me the truth, I need to know."

"Once, last night,' I handed her the barrette.

She dropped it, like it burned her, "Where did you get this?!"

"She left it in my room. Why?"

"Oh god," she said shaking, "forget it happened, Finn, go back to your room and pack," she composed herself picking up the barrette, "now!"

"Meredith?" I dared to ask.

"Don't act like you know what you're talking about, or that you know as much as me. You don't have the slightest clue and even if you did, you still don't know the jest of what's going on."

That night I lay awake, waiting to see if anything would happen. Locked in my room as always, I stood helpless.

I heard a door unlock and open, Miriam's door.

"Don't even think about it," I then heard Agatha.

"Think about what, I wasn't going to do anything," Miriam said innocently.

"You can't fool me."

"Meredith's coming."

"Oh she is, is she?"

"Yes, and she said you better watch out, she's going to get you."

"Well tell her I'll be waiting and ready for her."

"Why aren't you scared?"

"Because I've beaten her before and I'll do it again."

"She's coming for Finn."

"I know, and too bad for her, he'll be away in a place where she can't get to him."

"She got to David."

"David was blind, Finn's different. He's nothing like David."

"She'll find a way, she always does."

"Not this time, so help me," Agatha said with a fierce determination…

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** A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews and sorry for the wait!**


	11. Chapter 11

Was there a curse upon young men who enter Cromwell? For two in the past two decades had died in their teens of mysterious circumstances. Then again there was Kip, and he looked like he was managing all right. Yet Kip didn't have the face and name of the first boy killed.

Out of all the mad people in my long lost family, Agatha was the one who confused me the most. They all weren't easy to figure out. It was just that with Agatha, there was something, something that made her stand out from them all. She was a chain of acts, the first as the spoiled brat, second the jealous evil sister, third a neglected loner, and fourth a determined guardian. What was the next act going to be? Which one was actually her?

Only one thing was clear about Agatha, she was the only one besides Henry, who spent her whole life at Cromwell. Other than boarding school, I didn't think she even had been anywhere else. It was like she was tied there like a gargoyle, accepting that she'd spend the rest of her life there, believing that she were a part of Cromwell instead of Cromwell being just a part of her. Cromwell was not just her home, it was not just the only world she knew--Cromwell was her life long vow of duty, for she was its loyal keeper.

Henry was Cromwell's master, Lydia its slave, Finn and David were its casualties, my mother its survivor, Miriam its prisoner, and Agatha its keeper. What would my role be, Cromwell's casualty, survivor, slave, or worse, its prisoner?

The more I've been locked within its gates, the more Cromwell seemed like an island cut off from all civilization, an island with its own rules and consequences. I couldn't wait to leave for school. I needed to get away now or else I too would be mad like the others. Being there does something to you, it changes you, into someone you don't recognize, someone you never thought in all your imagination that you'd become—the very person you hated most and swore you'd never be—a hideous and rabid monster.

Gertie ordered me thousands worth of new clothes, school supplies, and even sports attire and equipment, and they all were shipped to the school. I was a little worried because I would be sharing a dorm with three other boys, it would be bad enough to be the new kid but to be the one with the most stuff in the room would be worse.

Relax, I told myself, these kids already like you, you're already in their club. This was going to be completely different from my last experience at a prestigious prep school. This time I will be just as rich as the students and I wouldn't have to fear any one of them discovering me as poor. This time I would have the same history behind my name as theirs. This time I was going to be looked upon as the second coming of a school legend. I was Finn all over again, I had nothing to worry about with this school. This school would be the best time of my life, or at least better than Cromwell.

I also felt bad about leaving Miriam. She had been hiding from me for the past weeks now. I could sometimes sense her watching me. She was good at spying without being noticed, too good. And when I was able to find her, she wouldn't speak to me, she would just stare for a minute and run off.

"What did you do to her?" Kip had asked me, when he too noticed her odd behavior.

"She's just hurt that I'm leaving," I didn't tell him the full story of how I also had rejected her kiss.

"I think there's more too it."

"What are you implying?"

"You think I don't know why you really hang around her? I may not be book smart, but I not too stupid to not know why someone like you is with someone like her."

"There was never anything sexual between us," nothing sexual that I started or played along with. I did not take advantage of her, never, even when she wasn't in her little girl state.

"Sure," he smiled mockingly as he continued mowing.

I always hated how by being just a boy, I was already guilty of sin. Couldn't girls be automatically guilty too? Who was to say they didn't have the capacity to do wrong? I know they could do wrong; I had witnessed it first hand with Agatha and that diary. It wasn't like I wanted to be a victim; I just wanted to be given the same benefit of the doubt as girls were always given.

Why couldn't a boy have an innocent friendship with an ill-advantaged girl, without other thinking sickening thoughts?

So far, I had always done the right and respectable thing with her, and never once thought about…it just never crossed my mind. I wasn't a brute who had uncontrollable lust for every single female. I was raised to be a gentleman that respects women. For god's sake I was raised by women! Women who were done wrong by men! I was told from day one by my mother that if I had ever abused a woman in any way her heart would be forever broken.

Just because I was a boy, didn't mean I was an animal only after one thing.

This school was escape, but it too was its own mad little secluded world with twisted rules and severe punishment for staying sane.

Henry wasn't there to bid me farewell, Miriam on the other hand…

The night before she came to my room in the middle of the night and lay down beside me. I admit I gave in a little; I put my arm around her shoulder and just allowed her to cuddle close. Again I had felt bad and I just couldn't reject her again after what happened the last time. I didn't know how she got out of the straps, I didn't ask either. I just laid there and let her rest her head on my chest. I may have even stroked her hair some, but it was innocent, it was only affection not lust. Plus it was hard to refuse, when even I wanted so badly to have that feel of warmth you get when holding one another. The desire wasn't that of lust but mere affection, having someone to hold and to not have that feeling of being alone. Not one of us said a word, it just wasn't needed. And when I awoke that morning, she was gone.

And even though I remember no words spoken between us, I heard in my dreams, "_Agatha won't be able to keep me from you for long. When that day comes, there would be no way you could ignore me, no way for you could stop me, and no way you could run from me Dear Finney. We have a bond you and I, a bond no one, not even Henry, could break. We need each other. Together we could do anything. That's what Agatha fears the most."_

Was I too going crazy, having these words coming to me in a dream? I didn't know what to believe anymore, what was dream and what was reality.

I more than needed to get out, but I could help but fear that the madness would follow me wherever I would go. Maybe I am doomed like the Finn before me.

The only one who openly said goodbye to me was Lydia, who traveled with me there. Thank god it wasn't that long of a trip. She annoyed me to no end and I dreaded the over done public signs of affection she'd give before leaving me. That would be the worst first impression that would ultimately make me look like a weakling. I had to figure out quick how to prevent that.

The car pulled over to the school. It was huge, it looked like a college, not a mere academy. I grew even more nervous for all I could think of was how hard it was going to be proving myself here both academically and socially.

It was one thing not fitting in at Cromwell, but it was another thing to consider the possibility of not fitting in at this school. This school was going to be my one and only escape from Cromwell, and at all costs I must fit in here, I must belong.

A man was standing outside the entrance, waiting for me, Lydia turned towards me, "Henry made me promise him I just drop you off and not get out of the car, so we have to say our goodbyes here," she said welling up with tears and hugging me in a tight squeeze for what seemed to be over ten minutes.

After promising her over and over that I would call her twice a day like she wanted me too, letting her play with my hair one final time, and listening to her every plea, I finally emerged out of the car to meet with the well distinguished man in a tweed suit who had been waiting the whole time.

He waited till the car drove off to address me, "I can't tell you how in awe I am of your resemblance to your uncle and our greatest and most celebrated pupil. You truly are him all over again name and all. I'm Dr. Hartley, Headmaster of this fine institution, and I've heard great things about you from your father."

"You did? What did he say exactly," I couldn't believe it."

"He said that like Finny, you are a very gifted student and great athlete, an seeing from your school records and transcript I can agree. Well except for math, it seems to be your weak spot, but not to worry, we'll get you up to par on that in no time."

I didn't realize the extent I would have to go through to live up to the legendary Finn before me, it was too much to expect of me, "I hope you're well aware that even though I look like him and bear his name, it does not mean I'm him, nor will become him. I'm me and sorry in advance if that will let you down."

"Well of course you not him, you're better, you're alive!" he chuckled, "Come with me, I'll show you to your room. You belongings all have arrived and it waiting for you."

I didn't like that response, not one bit…

I followed him to the elevator, to the top floor and down the hall to what would be my room.

"You're in room 419 with Charles, Eaton, and Hugh," he said as he tossed me the key and pointed to the door, "I'll see you at dinner in an hour, your roommates will show you to the dining hall. I'm glad you're here with us, Finny."

"Finn," I corrected, even though he couldn't hear me.

I slowly walked to the door preparing for anything as I put the key in and turned the knob.

At first glimpse I saw two bunk beds in a room too simple to be from a rich private school. Only two of them were there, both with short crew cuts and in uniform. One, the skinny one with blond hair, was fixing a radio, while the other, a small boy with dark brown hair, was on the top bunk reading a Boy's Life magazine. I saw one of the beds had a couple trunks on it and breathed in relief that it was just two and not five.

Here goes nothing, I pray I make a great first impression, "Hey, I'm Finn, the new inmate doing time here," I joked.

They both looked up, un amused, and shrugged, "I suggest you take the bottom bed, Hugh would kill you if you take top," the blond one said.

"So which one is Charles and which is Eaton?" I asked, trying not to think about what Hugh is like.

"I'm Charles and above me is Eaton. I'm in grade 10, he's in grade 8, and Hugh is in grade 12."

"I'm in grade 10 too, I had a radio like that one in your hand, do you need help fixing it?"

"No, I can fix it myself!"

I backed off and went to my trunks, "So let me guess, Hugh's the top dog in this room, the reigning bully."

"And the Beacon's best ball player. I heard you play pretty well, just as good as thee Finny Cromwell himself," he replied as he continued taking apart his radio. Eaton on top just read on, not caring.

"Well I'm okay I guess, why?"

"There's a lot of hype about you, they say you're the second coming of Finny and that you will bring this school to victory again. Hugh's not exactly happy about you; he'll do all that he can to stop you."

I groaned, rolling my eyes at hearing about Finny again, "He has nothing to worry about."

"Try telling him that, either way, you're a dead man if you think you're going to fill Finny's shoes," Eaton finally said with a high voice like Mickey Mouse. He made me so glad my voice had finally dropped and deepened this past year. Like him, my voice didn't mature till the very end of junior high.

"I'm not here to take Finny's place and relive his glory."

"Sure, come dinner time, you'll see how wrong you are."

It seemed the headmaster wasn't the only one convinced I was Finny reborn, dinner time, the moment I step out into the cafeteria I was greeted by not only the boys I had met at the diner party, but practically all the top ranking boys of the school, inviting me to this club and that, giving me top secret information on the underground midnight parties they had planned, even trying to get me to see pictures of their sisters, and inviting me to hang out with them at their dorms and have a drink with them. The fear of not fitting in was a joke now, for they on spot made me the big man on campus. All because of that one name, it was 'Finny this and Finny that', 'Finny, Finny, Finny', that was all they could talk about.

The question now was how would they react when they see that I couldn't live up to that name? The answer was something I didn't want to know, for I couldn't be the Finny they expected me to automatically be.

After diner I went with Brad and his friend Ashford, who I had known from the party, and his friends to their dorm.

"Wanna a cig?" he offered lighting one.

"Thanks," I said taking it. It was a code of boys I knew by Josh to never refuse an offer of cigs and liquor. Refusing would make you appear as girly wimp and it was an insult to not accept. I hated smoking but I could tolerate it enough.

"You're one lucky bastard, do you know that?" Ashford said.

"Yeah, Mr. Babcock loves you and will let you get away with anything, you could have any girl you want, and you have good blood. You have it made my friend."

"I'm just me is all, dumb luck," I said feeling uncomfortable.

"You're too modest, try to enjoy it," Ashford playfully pushed me.

When I returned to my room, I saw Hugh was there waiting for me. He was big, about 6'3, a buff boy with a buzz cut, and it was interesting how he also had huge blue eyes and long lashes. He was a scruff manly man with a little girl's face, like Paul Bunion with Mary Pickford's face.

"Hey Finny boy," he said as he gave a sinister smile.

"Hey yourself Hugh," I replied confidently, not afraid of him after living with Henry.

"I'm a pretty fair guy despite what other say about me. I'm going to give you two options and only two, if you join the Beacons Varsity team I will make your year a living hell, if you back down and don't try out for the team, I will back off and let you be. This is my year, I've have been training my ass off to get to where I am, and I'm not going to let some undeserving newbie sophomore take it from me."

Although I could understand where he was coming from, I found it funny because I wasn't that much of a threat, "Relax, I'm not that great of a player, I just have his name, not his talent. I couldn't make the Varsity team at my last school, so I doubt I'll make this one."

He looked at me, confused, he softened a bit, "Umn that was your cue to challenge me, it's not fun if you surrender. This is a boring school and right now you're the only thing that'll make my last year here interesting. C'mon be my foe, I have too many friends as is it. Just start over and I'll forget what you said before."

"Fine, I'm trying out for Varsity, happy now?"

"You know for having his name and look, you sure don't act like the god of this school. It's like watching Lancelot in King Arthur's shoes. Don't be afraid to play the role. You were cast in his role for a reason, and just because you're not him, doesn't mean you can't master his role. You should know by now that school is nothing but a play full of roles a student must play to perfection. One school you may be the quiet bookworm and the next school a jock."

Now I was the one confused, he was…so unlike what I pitted him as. He wanted me to automatically see him that way, so no wonder I did.

"I assume you being this jealous bully is some getup then."

"Well of course, you should have seen how scrawny I was three years ago. One day I just decided to change myself into this, started lifting weights, running, eating more, till I eventually became this. I admit, I'm a bit of an actor, acting is what makes my life fun and gets me through the mundane days of school. I've been acting my whole life. I can't explain it, it's this sense freedom, this invincibility to become anyone other than myself. When playing a role, no one can hurt me, because they don't know me. Try it, it's the only way you're going to survive here. Forget who you were and now are, no one here knows the real you, you can be anyone to them, so play Finny, fool them into thinking you're him."

"Why are you telling me all this?"

"Because, I was once you, afraid and depressed, too modest to be great and I know that they'll eat you alive here if you just are your sad self. School isn't the real world, you have to become someone your not, even someone you hate, to succeed, just like how it is in the world of business. I didn't like breaking Charles radio, but I had to because that's what is expected out of my character here."

"Doesn't this sound just a little bit ridiculous though?" He was taking this whole school has roles thing too seriously.

"With all due respect, everything about our society is. Ah, what would our world be if we weren't ridiculous? Sure, the world would probably be better off, yet not quite as interesting. I find being interesting more important than being prudent. If you think about it, we really aren't meant to be simple and the same, we're meant to evolve into something more. Man is a complicated creature made to be ridiculous, so be ridiculous!" he said with a jovial smile.

I looked at him blankly, "So do you give this speech to every new boy? I mean you just met me."

"Well to me it's kind of like I've known you all my life, my father was best friends with the original Finny and he would always talk about him to me about his good ole school days here and show me pictures. And when he heard about you, he made me promise him that I would take you under my wing and be your best pal. I swear, if I were a girl, he would force me to seduce you into marriage to make you part of his family. He's a little too enamored by you. Anyways, because my Dad and I are both at odds end, I want to get him back by being an enemy to you."

"More like a friendly enemy. You most likely know more about Finny than I do."

"Was Finny just your uncle or was he…don't get mad at me for asking but…are you his long lost bastard son who suddenly got discovered? You just don't look anything like Henry."

I looked away, not knowing how to answer that because I didn't quite know myself either who my father was, "You tell me, my mother was married to Henry but ran off with me soon after I was born to California. She died in April and I came to live with Henry not knowing anything about him."

"Shit, sorry, and I thought my life was bad. I can't imagine. I take it you weren't raised rich, you're lucky for that at least, people like me and everyone at this school grow up to lead a dull life of valuing nothing and never being satisfied. No matter what, you have a lot going for you, a hell of a lot to be envied for."

"Were you here last year when Miriam, David, and Agatha attended?"

"How could I forget, that was big, David was my roommate, ironically was in this dorm, which is why Charles is going to be distant with you."

"What happened?"

"They didn't tell you?"

"No, they won't tell me anything, it's weird, the place is like a mad house of unspoken mysteries. I can't tell you how thrilled I am to be here and away from there."

"Wish I could have warned you about that, I have a good idea of what it's like."

"How did David die?"

"It started with Agatha, she started school at Prescott's, I've know her forever and she has always been a loner and at Prescott's. She's actually not as bad as she seems, she's actually quite intelligent and intuitive when she trusts you enough to open up. She had a little crush on David, whose father worked at one of Henry's factories. Henry found out and as a surprise for Agatha, offered David's father a chair on his board with a paycheck twenty times more than his last one, but only if in return his son courts Agatha. David thought this all was her doing and hated her in return, while poor Agatha, she didn't know and felt so guilty when she heard. Every weekend David was forced to spend it at Agatha's side. And then it got a whole lot worse when Miriam showed up. You know what Miriam looks like, you know how stunning she is, and so you could guess what happened next."

"David fell for Miriam against Henry. Their relationship was forbidden then."

"Yes, and Miriam hated that they couldn't be together and took it out on Agatha. When Miriam came to Prescott, Agatha went from loner to the object of ridicule. You can say Miriam took out her anger at Agatha, blaming her for keeping them apart. Getting picked on day after day does a big toll on a person and I think that's how Agatha got to be like she is now. I'm not quite sure what exactly lead up to Miriam and David driving off, but David was killed on impact while Miriam…that's another thing that's vague, even to me. What the hell happened to Miriam to make her…you know. Agatha I could understand, but Miriam, I can't. Supposedly Miriam wasn't that hurt in the accident, but after when she heard about David, tried hanging herself, something like that, and later at his funeral she was…."

"Like she is now?"

"No, she was acting her age, just different to how she was before the accident. I can't describe it, for someone who had tried killing herself over the loss of a lover, someone in serious mourning, she was rather chipper and off, like a deranged hostess. Then the next I hear, Agatha purposely hit her with the car resulting in Miriam being what she is now."

"It still doesn't make sense."

"I know, the whole thing is off. There's so much left unsaid, too many loose ends. Agatha may be a bitch, but running over her sister just isn't like her. I personally think Henry did it and she was covering for him. Agatha's loyal like that, and besides, Henry hated Miriam. I mean really hated her, he just did not like having her in his life. If it wasn't for the death of Miriam's father, Henry would have nothing to do with her."

"Were you there when it happened?"

"Of course, I saw Miriam sprawled on the pavement motionless like a thrown rag doll and Henry holding crying Agatha while talking with the cops. He paid them off, made the whole thing appear as a childish accident by Agatha."

"Finn's death was mysterious too, a hunting accident, yeah right."

"Your mother is Alicia, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You know, before she married Henry she did work a block away from here. There's a possibility she met Finny before Henry…"

"What are you getting at here?"

"That Finny being your father isn't that unlikely. He went to school here for four years, and she worked there for two years, they must have crossed paths many times, enough to know each other."

"I don't want to get my hopes up. I think she just had a crush on him that never became anything. Sure she told me he was my father, but she did so in a way that was wishful rather than truthful. It's just coincidence I look like him, ironic really, and probably her wish come true for me to look like his son and not Henry's."

"They do say god has a sense of humor."

"Some humor."

"Well look on the bright side, you're the one having the last laugh."

"Why's that?"

"Whether or not you're Finny son, you're his doppelganger destined to finish the life he started, destined to become what he should have been had he lived. You, Finny, are proof that the good gets born again and never really dies. You being here says a lot to me and everyone else who looked up to Finny. The very sight of you tells us that the good does indeed come back with a vengeance for the bad."

"And what if history repeats itself?" I asked, remembering what Agatha once told me.

"Not with me to help you. You need a bully Finn, someone as strong as Henry, someone who'll drive you to be tough, someone like me. With everyone being your pal and fan, you'll grow cocky and too trustful, it wouldn't do you any good. Now a bully, a bully would make you man enough to fight."

"You're not serious, are you?"

He answered me by punching me in the face. It was a hard blow, enough to make me dizzy.

"What the hell man!" I jumped up straight, ready to hit back.

"You have two seconds to hit me back before I kick you, come on!"

"You're crazy!"

"Not as crazy as Henry," he said as he kicked me down, "Get up Finn! Be a man!"

I was crouched down and coughing, not knowing if I have it in me. I got up and punched him with everything I had, "Happy now?"

"No!" he said as he punched me back in the gut.

It went on, but not for long, for the door bust open and we were broken up by Headmaster Hartley.

"Enough!" He yelled, "What is this about?"

"He wanted the top bunk," Hugh grinned, winking at me.

"Finn, since you're new I'll only give you a warning, and Hugh a detention, next time I won't be so generous. Now apologize, both of you."

"I'm sorry Hugh," I said.

"I'm sorry too Finny, you can have the top bunk, a light weight like you needs it," he smiled.

And the minute Headmaster Hartley left, Hugh looked at me and whispered, "Tomorrow at 3 o'clock in the back alley, you and me, I'll spread the word. Everyone loves a big fight."

"I'm not fighting you."

"Of course you are. Unless you want to stay a whimpering little boy that could easily be snapped in two. Your choice," he shrugged as he walked out.

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**A/N: Massive updates coming up(****Swing Girls and Playing House will have new chapters up too, so look out for that too!)****, so, so, so sorry for the super long wait. I had a monster of a writer's block, it was so hard to overcome, I just couldn't write anything good. This year so far has been a hectic roller-coaster. I'm so happy I'm writing again, I can't tell you how much. And those of you who read and reviewed, you guys were a big help, I can't tell you how much your reviews mean to mean and how much strength they give me, thank you.  
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** Thanks so much for the reviews, hope you like this chapter, I made sure it was a long one.Exciting things are happening in Paper Wings and the pace keeps on picking up. **

**It's funny how you plan a story out, but when you develop the characters and put them onto page, the story doesn't go to plan but instead goes somewhere more interesting and complex. To tell you the truth, my original plans for Paper Wings weren't anything like what's happening now in the story, it's like the more I build the characters, the more out of formula the story goes.**

_**oxoxJules**_


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